Burn
by Three-Steps-Ahead
Summary: Jane Avery thought her problems were solved when she distanced herself from him. Knowing that it's his job to kill her for what she did in Ishbal, she finds herself running out of people to trust and falling for the bastard who ruined her. KimbleyxOCxRoy
1. Last Christmas

**Figured I'd give a shot at this. This story idea has been brewing in my mind for awhile. :) It's KimbleyxOC for the time being with competition from Roy. I'm not sure where relationships will end up. I'm indecisive.**

**There will be a song at every chapter. Though there will be very few instances that the full song is used. Only partial lyrics to emphasize little details and thoughts. not to mention, this is based during Christmas so I felt the need to incorporate the mood.**

**Please read and review. Hopefully i didn't screw too much up. ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer: i don't own anything from FMA nor do I own the song Last Christmas**

**-TSA**

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><p><span>Burn<span>

"_You wondered how you'd make it through. I wondered what was wrong with you. Because how could you give your love to someone else, yet share your dreams with me? Sometimes the only thing you're looking for, is the one thing you can't see." -Vanessa Williams_

Chapter 1: Last Christmas

One more week. That was all she could think about as she assembled her files together at the corner of her desk. Nine assessments finished and neatly organized from her snooping around the National Central Library. It was a hassle to have to report everything she was researching, but she was mindful to keep certain details out. One more week. It was beginning to chime in her head like the ticking of her pocket watch. Smiling to herself, she glanced out the window at the snow covered streets.

December was a beautiful month. There was nothing she loved more than scuffling through the snowy sidewalks, boots kicking up flurries as she would walk to her house. The air would bite at her nose until it turned a bright red. Bundled up in her jackets and scarf, she would welcome the warmth of her house where everything was decorated to the nines with Christmas Spirit. Her cat would be asleep by the fire, casting a one eyed glance as a 'hello'.

Opening her office window, she sat down on the ledge and welcomed the cold air. Her nose wrinkled while snowflakes fell against her eyelashes. She followed the people below her who were bundled together in their jackets, scarves, hats, mittens. She saw a young boy staring up at her and she gave him a cheerful wave before the door to her office burst open. The sound startled her to the point that she almost fell from her window.

She glanced over her shoulder to see a familiar handsome face smiling at her with two cups of steaming hot chocolate in his hands. Rising to take one, she turned the volume down on her radio that had been shouting Christmas tunes, "My assessments are finished."

Roy shook his head with a laugh, "You've been cooked up in your office all day."

"I have a bad habit of procrastinating." She sipped on the chocolaty concoction in her hands, "What brings you to my office?"

"You have a cheerful room." Roy chuckled while sitting down in the chair in front of her desk, "You're the champion of Christmas Spirit."

She laughed loudly, dancing around the room as "Let it Snow" came on the radio, "I love this time of year."

Roy nodded, pleased to see her so happy. It had taken awhile to get her to open up like this, but he was glad his hard work had pulled through for him. He began to laugh as she started singing the chorus, "Is your family coming over for Christmas?"

Jane stopped jumping around and gave him her bright smile that she was slowly becoming renowned for around Central HQ, "They'll be here on Christmas Eve. I can't wait to see them." The song changed suddenly, the tune one that made her brow furrow, but she tried to not let Roy see it, "My mother has asked about you."

"Does that mean I finally get to come over this Christmas?" he snickered.

She narrowed her eyes on him, her grin all the more playful, "Depends. If you buy me something expensive then maybe we can talk."

Roy began to laugh while she walked over to her window, closing it with ease. The radio seemed to play louder as the silence washed over them. _'Last Christmas I gave you my heart. But the very next day you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special.' _He found himself humming along with it until Jane's gaze became so lost in the streets below her that she was fixated by. Rising from his seat, he strode up behind her and set his hands on her shoulders.

"I used to love that song," she muttered.

_'I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye-'_

"Things change over time," he replied.

Jane nodded her head while walking over to her desk. She plopped down in her chair, her eyes falling on the beautiful Christmas card her parents had sent her. Picking it up, she read over their heartfelt message until she noticed that Roy was watching her. _'I wrapped it up and sent it with a note saying- I love you, I meant it'._

_'Now I know what a fool I've been, but if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again.' _Roy cleared his throat while grabbing his forgotten hot chocolate. He made to leave, but stopped at her door with his hand around the golden knob, "Let me know if you need anything." He gave her a nod and his handsome smile returned, "Oh, and I'll make sure to buy you something so that I can meet your family."

She giggled as he left the office, closing the door quietly behind him. _'I thought you were someone to rely on. Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on'. _Sighing heavily, something that she knew was a signal of her thoughts becoming troubled, she drummed her fingers on her desk while staring at the cup of hot chocolate that she had barely touched. The song was finally ending, but it certainly wasn't enough to make her feel better.

"Based on a lover with no fire in his heart…" she quietly sang.

Opening the bottom drawer of her desk, she riffled through all the papers she had haphazardly thrown in there until the door to her office burst open, startling her again. This time she flipped over backward in her chair. Rubbing her aching head, she struggled to her feet to see two of her favorite people standing there.

"We're back, Janie!"

She opened her arms and welcomed Edward Elric with a tight hug. Rushing over to Alphonse, she wrapped her arms around his metal suit and pressed a kiss to his cold cheek. She wasn't bothered anymore about displaying affection to Edward's brother. She loved them too much to care.

"It's nice to see the two of you in good shape." She beckoned them to sit on the couch she had at the far side of the office, "So, tell me, have you acquired any new information?"

Edward wrinkled his nose, "Nothing new has come up."

She crossed her arms over her chest, "I've found nothing either-"

"There's one thing, though, Janie." She lifted a brow as Alphonse twitched in his seat, "We received a letter. The man said he couldn't get it sent to you."

Edward's eyes darkened, "He somehow knew we were close with you."

Jane held her hand out as Edward tugged the letter from his jacket. Upon seeing the cursive writing of her name, she felt her skin grow cold. Her heart dropped in her chest and her eyes grew wide, but she didn't want the boys to worry about it. Setting the damned thing aside, she gave them a nod of the head.

"Can't imagine it's anything important, but I thank you for bringing it to me," she said.

Alphonse stared at her, "Are you sure? The man pressed us to deliver it."

"He's an alchemist," Edward muttered.

Jane waved them off, "It's no worry. Just because you don't know him doesn't mean he's trouble."

Edward stood up and grabbed a pen and a pad of paper from her desk. He scribbled out two symbols, holding it up to her, "These were on his palms."

Jane's brow furrowed as she stared at triangles inscribed in circles with alchemical symbols in the center, the sun symbol and the moon symbol . Shaking her head, she tore the paper off the pad and crumbled it up before shooting it into the trashcan. She stumbled over behind her desk, collapsing into her chair once she set it upright.

"Who is he, Lieutenant Colonel?" Edward's eyes were narrowed and Jane wasn't pleased that he was addressing her by her rank, "He's obviously someone you knew."

"It was a long time ago," Jane muttered.

Edward slammed his hands onto her desk, "I don't care how long ago it was!"

"Watch your tone." She rose to her feet, buttoning up her military jacket, "I am your superior officer as well as your friend. I ask that you don't abuse that." Edward nodded his head, but she knew he wouldn't let these matters rest, "Now, I order you to end your questioning. If I felt you needed to know about this, I would tell you."

Edward threw his hands up in the air while storming out of her office, muttering curses under his breath.

Jane fell back into her chair with her head in her hands while Alphonse rose and walked over to her. She smiled up at him as he set a hand on her shoulder, "I don't want you two to worry so much about me."

"But we care about you, Janie." Alphonse sighed, eyes watching the floor, "Ed doesn't like when he can't help people."

"You can help _me_ by not asking about my past. Those are just the things I'm not ready for people to know about."

Alphonse nodded his head, leaving it at that. He waved a cheerful 'goodbye' before walking out into the Head Quarters to search for where his brother was brooding.

Jane grabbed the letter she had tossed aside, all too curious about what it said. She hesitated a moment before ripping open the envelope. Staring at the folded paper in her hands, she slowly peeled it open until she saw a blank heading. She opened the rest of it to find a few sentences written in the middle of the paper.

I know what you've done, and soon they will too.

Blood doesn't wash off that easily, I would know.

Merry Christmas.

She cursed loudly, her heart racing painfully in her ears. She glanced down at her still opened drawer that she had been fishing through. Resuming her riffling; she pulled out a small wooden box and flipped the lid up. She tugged out a photo that was hidden at the bottom, covered by the little trinkets and letters hidden in there. Her heart finally eased to its normal beats even as she stared at the black and white picture that she held in her hands.

He was at peace, eyes lost in the horizon as he stood, toes digging in the sand, with his hands in his pockets. It was one of those moments that never occurred again and she had been happy to have captured it. His white suit was something she had made fun of him for, but that day on the beach had made her surrender to its appealing image on his toned figure. His jacket and shirt had been unbuttoned, fluttering behind him as if he had wings. He had his tie strung around his neck, his hat having been taken by her.

Biting her lip, she mused on the beauty of the picture. If only she had taken the time to focus in close on his eyes. But he had shaken himself from his daze before she could. Closing her eyes, she imagined the trek of his hands over her inexperienced body, unaware of the sensations that he brought down on her. He had been so gentle- God, why couldn't he have stayed that way? His languid gaze was reassuring while he continually promised that he'd never hurt her-

_'Manipulative bastard.'_

Jane added her recent letter to the box after burying the photo in the bottom again. Hiding it under all her junk in her bottom drawer, she finally found her peace of mind as the radio began playing Christmas tunes again. She turned up the volume, feeling the rhythm through her bones, which made her tap her feet happily. Her eyes found the window where a mound of snow was building up on the ledge. Small flakes stuck to the glass, a mesmerizing happening that lulled her off to the distant corners of her mind.

. . . .

She was preparing to leave that evening, having turned in her assessments. Bundled in her jacket, she strung her red scarf around her neck while tucking her small briefcase under her arm. Strolling down the hallway, she peeked her head into Roy's office, surprised to find him busying himself with paperwork. She gave him a goodbye while reminding him of when she would be coming in tomorrow morning. Early bird as usual, he would say.

Wandering outside, she was met by a gust of December wind that caught her off guard. Hiding her mouth and nose under her scarf, she made her way down the sidewalks of Central. Cafes were closing up shop, people hustling to catch the bus so they wouldn't have to walk. She kicked up snow as she wandered across the streets to where her small, cottage styled house was squished between two brick houses. Plucking the key from her pocket, she strolled up the front steps to where her red painted door sat adorned by a healthy wreath.

Once stepping inside, she closed the door to block out the chill of the evening wind. She removed her scarf and jacket, hanging them up on the railing that led to the upstairs as she walked further into her house. Kicking off her shoes, she knelt down to pick up her fluffy white cat, Lacy, who was purring loudly. When she wandered into the kitchen, Lacy curled up in her arms, she noticed that her cat's dish was filled with food that had been half eaten.

"You're not supposed to eat until I get home," Jane murmured, Lacy hopping out of her arms and onto the counter to continue feasting.

Reaching for her one of her guns in the holster that strung around her shoulders, she clicked off the safety while drawing it into her hand. She noted that she had a full clip from the weight of the handle while moving to check around every corner of her house. There was nothing she hated more than the notion that someone had broken in.

Lacy trailing at her heels, she started walking upstairs, each creak of the wood making her cringe while her skin crawled with goose-bumps. Once she reached her bedroom, she felt herself stop breathing as she pushed open the door. Gun raised in front of herself, she surveyed the room to find that everything was in order. She rested for a mere moment until she heard Lacy start purring, the sound like a motor when she was given a good scratch behind her ears.

Spinning around, she brought her gun to eye level. Her heart was pounding in disbelief at the man who knelt on the ground, Lacy circling around him. She nearly dropped her pistol as those eyes from under his white fedora met hers and he smirked. Tears burned as he stood up and opened his arms to her as if he expected her to just run back to him. Not a chance, Asshole.

She let out a cry while firing one bullet over his shoulder, tears stinging in her eyes until he took a step closer to her. Pulling her hand back, she slammed the handle of her gun into his jaw, which sent him to his knees. Her eyes cleared and she glared down at her cat, who was rubbing her face against his hand.

"Nice to know that you'll show them the silverware if they feed you," Jane murmured.

Lacy purred and purred, ignoring her angry owner.

Jane turned her eyes to Kimbley, who was still shaken from her smacking him. Pressing her foot to his chest, she knocked him over onto his back while pointing the gun between his eyes and bearing her weight down on him, "Start talking."

Kimbley began to laugh, running a hand up over her thigh, "You're legs look good-" His eyes widened for a moment as she fired another bullet over his shoulder, "You're obviously not up for compliments…"

"How did you get in?"

He shrugged, "You're the least creative person I know. You've always kept an extra key underneath the rug."

"How did you get out of jail?"

That question made his smirk come to life like a cobra calculating its strike, "I've got friends on the outside." Jane lifted her leg and slammed her foot into his stomach, making him gasp in pain, "Geez, you don't take cryptic answers, do you?"

"You should know that." Jane shook her head while he closed his eyes, "Why are you here?"

"I came to give you a heads up, whether you believe me or not." He gazed up at her, which made her grimace, "If you set aside your hostilities then I'll explain a few things." She didn't look convinced enough to withdraw her gun, "Trust me."

She finally put her pistol back into its holster and started walking downstairs, "Fine, but this has nothing to do with trust."

She strolled into her kitchen and opened her refrigerator, taking out a pitcher of lemonade and pouring herself a glass. Hopping up onto the counter as Kimbley meandered downstairs like this was his home, she grumbled a few nonsensical things under her breath while he strode in front of her and set one hand on each side of her thighs, smiling up at her.

"Well?"

Kimbley licked his lips, "I'm just taking a few moments to-" He was silenced as she pulled out her gun again, "Never mind." He bit at the insides of his mouth, "The government is digging up old files of people from the Ishbalan War. Your name has been mentioned a few too many times and Fuhrer King Bradley thinks that your 'deeds' were criminal-"

"Then how did you get out?"

Kimbley sighed impatiently, "I served my time." He set his hat on the counter, running his fingers through his hair, "It's not definite. Not everyone has agreed to arrest you. But as soon as that happens, most of your friends will be joining you. That's what's holding them back. They can't just arrest everyone for following government orders."

Jane shook her head in disbelief, "How do you know this?"

"The 'friends' who got me out of jail are Bradley's guys."

"What's your angle?"

Kimbley smirked, "Am I supposed to have one?"

"You wouldn't have told me that if you didn't want something in return."

Kimbley nodded his head, musing on how correct her statement was, "You have a point."

Jane leapt down from the counter, but Kimbley wouldn't let her get past him, "What do you want?"

"You should be able to answer that." Kimbley slid his arms around her waist, "I came here for _you_, Babe."

She feigned a smile while bringing her gun to his abdomen, "I think you've overstayed your welcome."

He held his arms up above his head, "You won't kill me."

"Do you want to test me?"

He shrugged, suddenly clapping his hands together. Jane braced her hands in front of her face while a tiny explosion set off in front of her, sending her into the ground with a loud thud that nearly broke the tile of the kitchen floor. Staring up at him, she saw that he had her gun in his hand, that maniacal smile dancing to life on his lips as the clouds of smoke disappeared.

"It's unfortunate that our relationship has come to this," he sighed.

"They've sent you to kill me, haven't they?" she spat.

"It would be easier than arresting you." He spun the gun around his finger, "I can make this look like an accident."

"Then get it over with!"

Kimbley knelt down in front of her, running a hand over her cheek, but she slapped him across the face. Tasting blood in his mouth, he pressed the gun barrel to her head while clicking his tongue, "I would really hate to resort to this."

She was fighting back tears, "It's a shame to think that I loved you." She shook her head, "How foolish I was-"

"Foolish?" Kimbley set the gun down on the tile floor, "That one actually hurts."

"Serves you right."

He tossed her gun aside while rising to his feet, offering his hand to help her stand. She stared up at him, eyes lost to his complacent expression. Her heart was throbbing in her chest, tired from the countless times it had been ripped apart then stitched back together. With a shake of her head, she allowed herself to take his hand and he hoisted her off the ground.

"What do you want with me?" Jane asked, surprised that he allowed for space to be left between them.

Kimbley stroked her cheek again, bracing himself for the instance that she would smack him, "I want a lot of things, Babe." He drew her tightly against his chest, "I want _you_, for starters."

"You only _lust_ for me." She shoved him backward while walking into the living room, arms wrapped around herself in a hug, "I've moved on."

His hands slithered around her hips, moving along the curve of her waist until she seized his wrists. Breath hot on the back of her neck, she felt herself dwindling from consciousness, swarmed by the sins he had tricked her into committing. Closing her eyes, she collapsed against him while guiding his hands back around her stomach, the tips of his fingers dragging along the rim of her pants. God, why did she want this?

"Someone's missed me…" he hissed in her ear.

He suddenly let go of her, causing her to stumble a step forward. He adjusted his jacket and tie before strolling into the kitchen to retrieve his hat. When he sauntered over to the front door, he found what he had been looking for the entire time he was in her house.

Her eyes had surrendered. Though her body was rigid, refusing to let him possess her, her eyes were lost to the fire of passion that he had set aflame in her chest. He had won. The rest would be easy, since he knew how she ticked. She was a bomb that he needed the right chemical equation to set off. But the explosion would be beautiful, a display of his greatest work. He just needed a little more time.

"Hate to leave you, Babe, but I have other appointments to attend." He flipped his hat on while turning his back, "Don't worry, though. I'll be back to visit you soon."

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed it! Chapter two is up...so read on if you feel like it. :) if not, i don't take it personally.<strong>

**Please review! **

**-TSA**


	2. Breath of Heaven

**Chapter 2! A little insight on Jane...hope you like it. :) and more Kimbley, bc he's amusing. and an angry Roy Mustang. **

**Please read and review! **

**Disclaimer: i still don't own FMA or the song Breath of Heaven**

**-TSA**

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><p>Chapter 2: Breath of Heaven<p>

_'I have travelled many moonless nights, cold and weary with a babe inside. And I wonder what I've done. Holy father, you have come, and chosen me now to carry your son.'_ Christmas tunes again. But there was something different. All the songs had changed meanings and she was hoping that she'd see their beautiful meanings. But nothing was helping. She drummed her fingers on her desk, reading over a report she had received from Major General Olivier Armstrong.

A position in her arctic fortress? The opportunity would help her escape Kimbley. _'I am waiting in a silent prayer. I am frightened by the load I bear. In a world as cold as stone, must I walk this path alone?'_ She grabbed her half drank coffee and sipped on it, swishing the contents around while mulling over the idea of it. She had been very close with Olivier in their years of training in the military and to work with her again would be a blessing in disguise.

Jane set the note aside while stretching her arms to the ceiling. Olivier wanted an answer after Christmas, though preferably before that time. She'd converse with Roy about it then her family, but the decision would be hers alone. _'Breath of Heaven, hold me together. Be forever near me, Breath of Heaven. Breath of Heaven, lighten by darkness.'_ Biting at the insides of her mouth, she tempted to drag that wooden box out of her bottom drawer just so she could look at that one picture in an attempt to convince herself that he could change.

She lifted her head as the sound of knocking interrupted her Christmas song. She rose from her seat while shouting a 'Come in', nodding to Roy as he slipped inside, "What? No hot chocolate?"

"Didn't mean to upset you, Lieutenant Colonel," he laughed while holding his hands up as a sign of peace.

_'Do you wonder as you watch my face if a wiser one should have had my place? But I offer all I am for the mercy of your plan.'_ Jane smiled while walking over to him. She wasn't sure why she proceeded with her gesture, but she just needed it. Wrapping her arms around his midsection, she buried her face in his chest and held him tightly.

"Um...Jane-?"

"You said if I needed anything then I should let you know." She looked up at him, "And I needed a hug."

He finally embraced her back, "Glad I could help you."

Letting go of him, she circled back around her desk while turning the volume of her radio down, "I received a letter today."

"From who?" Roy asked while seating himself on her small couch.

"Major General Olivier Armstrong." She waited to see how he reacted, but he didn't even flinch, "She wants me to take up command in Fort Briggs."

"Isn't that cold?"

"I'm not afraid of the winter."

"Isn't that far from your family?"

"I'm twenty seven years old, Roy."

"Isn't that away from…?" He shook his head while rising to his feet. As he went to leave her office, she rushed over to him and grabbed his sleeve, though he wouldn't turn and face her, "I think it would be best if we-"

"I know we'll be away from each other," Jane interrupted.

"I don't want that to affect your decision." He glanced over his shoulder at her, "I need to remind myself that we are just friends."

Jane slowly released her hold on his sleeve, finger by pried finger, "I'm not sure we count as 'just friends'."

"Let's cross that bridge another day." He nodded his head to her, "Only six more days."

"Would you like to join my family and me for Christmas?" Jane asked with a smile.

Roy chuckled, "I haven't bought your gift yet."

"Make sure to bring it over on Christmas. If it's anything worth a damn then I'll let you stay."

"Your mother will be the judge of that, won't she?"

"She runs the house."

Roy left with a smile on his face, something that set her at ease.

Jane glanced at her desk where Olivier's cursive handwritten letter sat against the mahogany wood. She figured Christmas might be a decent time to mention a transfer to her parents. She'd expect her mother to be completely against the idea of it and her father would be pushing her to go experience the world before she's dead. Experience a few hundred cold winters? If only she could bring someone for a little warmth.

Glancing across her spacious office, she began to lose herself to a swell of memories. Walking over to her desk, she dug out her wooden box and pulled out the last letter she had received from Kimbley. She couldn't help thinking about the blood that she had spilled, willingly. He knew all about her shame of her acts- She'd opened up to him. So much misery…It was difficult to imagine that any of her comrades had remained sane after the incidents involving the Ishbalan War.

. . . .

_She pushed her way through the other nurses and doctors in the medical tents, shouting for assistance as a man was brought in by two of his comrades, leg a bloody mess. She had gotten so used to seeing serrated flesh, scorched muscle, and clean bone that this one didn't make her flinch. Helping the two men direct him, screaming and near fainting, onto a bed cot, she took a calligraphy pen off the tray on the night stand and drew several different alchemy symbols onto the sheets around his leg._

_She pressed her gloved palms into the cot, bright greens illuminating the room. The two men were wide eyed as they watched their friend's flesh and muscle stitch itself back together. The soldier's screams of pain wore down to a low whimper and he soon was lulled into a deep sleep. She tossed her pen aside while motioning for a few nurses to bring her something for the fellow to eat. Glancing down at his peaceful face, she was at ease with herself for saving a life._

_"Doctor Avery! You're needed in tent five!"_

_Jane shook her head while starting at a run to get outside. She burst through the tent flaps to find a man fighting against three nurses who were trying to sedate him._

_"You can't amputate it!" the young soldier howled._

_She felt tears burn in her eyes as she stared at his nearly detached forearm. It would take more alchemy than she could muster to help him. Kneeling beside him, she held his face in her hands and forced him to look into her eyes, "Enough of this. Take life in whatever form you can have it. If you fight this, you will lose that chance."_

_The soldier's eyes were flooding with tears, but he nodded his head. With Jane still holding onto him, he allowed for the nurses to sedate him and begin their grueling work. _

_Jane left once she had assured that he was rightly bandaged and the bleeding had ceased to flow uncontrollably. Cleaning off her hands, she made her way outside, which actually felt cooler compared to the mugginess of the medical tents. She wiped the sweat off her forehead with her rolled up sleeve while staring out across the camp that was silent as a graveyard. There wasn't enough to keep these men alive._

_Hearing her name again, she rushed into the largest tent. Her heart nearly ripped out of her chest as she watched Roy stumble in, though he quickly dismissed her questions of his condition when he ushered for two other men to bring in Maes Hughes, who was holding his hand against his side. She brought them towards the back to a small sectioned off room, which they were quickly running out of. Once Maes was lying down, she found that a knife was embedded in his waist._

_"How deep do you think it is?" Roy asked, grimacing as he brought a hand to his shoulder._

_Jane removed his jacket and shirt, "The hilt is visible. I doubt there's internal damage." She pressed her palms to his abdomen after pulling a pair of white gloves onto her hands where alchemy symbols were drawn on the palms, "You're a lucky one, Hughes."_

_"It's because I've got a woman waiting for me!" he laughed._

_Jane grabbed a pen and drew a couple symbols onto the sheets. Palms pressed to the bed, she closed her eyes until the knife wiggled lose. She took hold of the hilt and yanked it out, blood sputtering from his torn flesh. He gasped in pain until she pressed her palms to the wound and sealed it. Gloves stained, she found herself smiling as Maes sat up and gave Roy a thumbs up._

_"Better start believing in God, Roy." Maes pointed to Jane, "She's proof of his work."_

_Roy nodded as he watched Jane begin cleaning her gloves, the blood washing off with ease. She jammed them into her pockets before picking up a towel and wiping the sweat from her forehead. His brow furrowed at how exhausted she already was._

_"You need a break," Roy muttered._

_Jane smiled, "I chose to work as a doctor. This is my punishment." _

_"Not sure which is worse, doctor or soldier?"_

_"We both watch people die-"_

_"But the people you see have a chance to live. You're not doing the killing."_

_Jane bowed her head, "I've experienced life slipping away when I thought I could save it."_

_Maes rolled his eyes while adjusting himself into an upright position, scowling the entire time, "I think you should take a look at his shoulder, Janie. That guy sure needs a little love."_

_Jane giggled while Roy's face beamed a dark shade of red as he shot his best friend a glare. She led him around the corner and sat him down in a chair behind a curtain. Grabbing a pair of tweezers and a bottle of rubbing alcohol, she turned around to find him struggling out of his jacket and shirt. When he finally managed to undress his upper half, she prodded at the wound to find that a bullet was lodged in his shoulder. No mercy. _

_She cleaned it off a bit with the rubbing alcohol before attacking it with her tweezers, tugging the skin apart much to his displeasure until she yanked the bullet from its sheath of flesh and muscle. Tossing it into a bowl, she cleaned the wound out one last time before bandaging him up. As he sat there, testing his range of motion with his right arm, she swished the bullet around in alcohol until most the blood was washed off._

_"Want it as a souvenir?" she chuckled._

_He rose from his seat and plucked the little scrap of metal from the bowl, examining it closely, "Why don't you hold onto it?"_

_She lifted a brow, "That doesn't make much sense-" _

_She paused as he took her hand and closed her fingers around the cold metal._

_"Consider it as a reminder that I owe you," he said. _

_"It's not like I've saved your life, Roy."_

_He shrugged while picking up his jacket and shirt, "Not yet, at least."_

_Watching him leave made her wrinkle her nose and sigh heavily. She held the bullet in her palm while silently wishing for the opportunity to just relax for the night. Though that was a stretch of her imagination…She tucked the bullet away in her bra, comfortable with the feel of it pressing over her heart. _

_She made her rounds through all the tents set up, pleased that the nurses had kept up with their jobs of caring for the soldiers who were stuck in their care. Wandering into the sectioned off part of the tent that was considered her quarters, she threw off her jacket and tossed her gloves onto the night stand. She changed into a loose pair of cargo pants and a clean t-shirt, being mindful that if she attempted to sleep now, she'd be woken up within the next hour._

_Nothing was ever at ease on the battlefield. She was constantly running around, lives in her hands at every second, begging her not to let them go. But her alchemy only went so far. It was emotionally and physically draining and she wasn't sure that she'd last much longer in this war. She hadn't trained herself to withstand the number of emergencies she faced during each hour. Part of her wished she'd have just risked her life on the battlefield, not pretending she could save every life she was presented with._

_Sitting down on her bed cot, she clasped her hands in prayer and began whispering to herself. Maybe there was someone up there that was willing to listen to her? _

_"Another noble effort from the military's favorite doctor…"_

_She rose to her feet as a soldier strolled around from behind the curtains, "Who are you?"_

_He swept into a low bow, "Solf J. Kimbley, The Red Lotus Alchemist."_

_"I've never heard of you." She picked up her gloves, "Are you in need of medical assistance?"_

_"Just need something for a headache," he replied with a shrug._

_She tucked her gloves into her pocket while opening one of the drawers of her nightstand. She handed him a couple tablets, which he dry swallowed, but he didn't seem just satisfied by that, "Is there something else you need?"_

_"Not at the moment." He tilted his head sideways, his eyes sizing her up, "The boys weren't kidding when they said you're pretty easy on the eyes."_

_Jane's face beamed red, "That was rather kind of them."_

_He took a step closer to her, reaching out a hand to touch her chin and bring her gaze up to his, "I'm always a sucker for green eyed girls."_

_"That's very kind of you-"_

_"I never got your name," he interrupted._

_"It's…" She swallowed hard in the split second that she got lost in his eyes, "…Jane Avery."_

_"You're an alchemist?"_

_"Yes, Sir."_

_He tapped her on the nose, "You can just call me Kimbley."_

_"I'd rather not."_

_"Afraid of informalities?"_

_She shook her head, "It's too soon for me to be comfortable with that."_

_He shrugged while glancing down at her pocket. He tugged one of the gloves out and examined the symbol on the palm, "What's your title?"_

_He noticed her hesitation. He lifted a brow in curiosity as she sat down on her bed and folded her hands as if she were praying again, but she was just tugging at her fingers. Leaning against her nightstand, he waited in the silence while she bit at the insides of her mouth._

_"The Bleeding Life Alchemist."_

_The words left her mouth so quietly that he was glad for the silence since he never would have heard her otherwise. He watched her nervous tugging of her fingers, wanting for her to look at him, "That doesn't sound like it fits you."_

_"It does…"_

_His brow furrowed while she stared at her lap. Sitting down beside her, he pulled her hands into his, which finally made her look at him, "I don't think you're supposed to hurt anyone."_

_"You aren't the first person to be fooled by my façade," she muttered._

_"If the government is asking you to stain your hands then this world is twice as fucked as I thought it was." He chuckled about his words, but noticed that Jane's eyes were watering, "You're not a cynical joke person, are you?"_

_"I guess not." She was back to biting the insides of her mouth. "I just wish I had chosen the frontline over this work. I'd rather just believe that people are supposed to die and there's no chance that they can survive."_

_Kimbley was slightly alarmed at hearing those words from her pink painted lips, "Guess there are some perks to being a soldier."_

_"I just want this to go away."_

_"Nothing just goes away, Babe." Kimbley chuckled as she blushed and yanked her hands out of his in a fluster, "We'll be living with these ghosts for the rest of our lives."_

_"That's not comforting." _

_"I never said it would be." _

_Jane let her gaze linger on his face, taking in each feature so as to commit it to memory. He was handsome to say the least, though he held cruelties in his eyes that glinted with inhuman sins. She noticed that he still held her glove in his hand, which she took back from him and stuck in her pocket._

_"I'd like to get some sleep, Sir," she muttered._

_He licked his lips, "I really don't like you calling me that."_

_She rose to her feet as he did the same, eager to see if he would leave or if he would linger. When the latter of the two won, she felt a tad uneasy, "I told you that I'm not comfortable with it."_

_He sighed impatiently, "You're a difficult one, aren't you?"_

_"I'm a woman. Being difficult is part of my composition."_

_"Very true." He winked at her before turning and disappearing behind the curtains, "See you around, Babe."_

_. . . ._

_"What do you know about a man named Kimbley?" _

_Roy lifted a brow as Jane moved through their lunch line, picking up a spoon for her less than hearty soup. He followed her over to a table that sat underneath a large canopy where so many other soldiers were gathered, mulling over her question. Might as well tell her the truth…_

_"He's a psychopathic killer." He waited to see her reaction, but got nothing aside from her normal, complacent grin, "Why do you ask?"_

_"I had just heard his name."_

_She kept her eyes on her soup while twirling her spoon around in it. She was biting the insides of her mouth before lifting her eyes and scanning through the soldiers that surrounded her. Part of her wondered where Kimbley was, though that was a dangerous thought._

_"I recommend keeping your distance from him," Roy said, winning back her attention._

_"He must be a terrible man," she murmured._

_His brow furrowed, "I'm concerned that you're asking about him."_

_Jane didn't reply while her eyes shifted to her food again. She was pretending to ignore him, but her act of it made him believe that she really hadn't heard him. Noticing his irritation, she lifted her head and smiled as brightly as possible until a shadow came over her. Her heart was pounding, though not out of fear. It was excitement._

_"I didn't know you knew Janie, Major Mustang" Kimbley ran his fingertips along her cheekbone, "I only recently had the honor of meeting her."_

_"Don't call her that…" Roy hissed through grinding teeth. _

_Kimbley was more than amused with Roy's defensive remark, watching as he clenched his hands into fists, "You're right." He shrugged with a sigh, "I so rudely forgot to ask if she didn't mind the nickname." His fingertips finally dropped from her cheek, moving along the veins of her neck, goose-bumps trailing behind each caress, "Do you mind being called 'Janie'?"_

_Her heart was racing so loud that she hardly heard him. She drunkenly nodded her head, silently praying that he wouldn't release her from his tempting hold. He was so gentle with each little touch that she was shivering with anticipation of the next sensual stroke._

_Roy finally slammed his hands on the table, rising to his feet as Kimbley held his hands up as a sign of peace, "Enough."_

_Kimbley smirked, "Cool down, Flame-Boy. I'm not here to pick fights." Glancing down at Jane, he gave her a wink, which nearly sent Roy across the table, "I've got a little back pain, Janie. Think you can help me out with that?"_

_She smiled, "I'm sure there's something I can do."_

_When Kimbley finally left, musing on his victory, Roy sat down while ignoring the sharp glare from Jane that was goring itself into him. He began eating, though after a few minutes he found that it was burning him to the third degree, "Don't get mad at me."_

_"I'm not mad, Roy." She rose from her seat, tray in hands, "I'm embarrassed."_

_She left in a hurry, Roy sitting with his spoon bouncing between his fingers. Seeing her curvy hips disappear from view opened a void in his chest that would take a little time to stitch back together. He finished eating with the thought of apologizing to her, but he found himself sitting alone as soldiers came and went. Elbows on the table and lips pressed to his entwined fingers, he searched every corner of his mind for a reason that Kimbley would pursue Jane. It wasn't like she would be willing to submit to his twisted thoughts. _

_She was too kind for that bullshit. _

_"Trying to figure me out, are we?"_

_Roy turned his gaze upward as Kimbley slid into the seat across from him, "What would a sleaze like you want with a sweet girl?"_

_"It's just that!" Kimbley was laughing, "I've never tasted a good girl before. I wonder how she'd feel about my intentions wrapped up inside my box of temptations." _

_"If you hurt her-"_

_"Save it for someone who cares, Mustang." Kimbley shrugged, "For all you know, she'll find a reason to love me. And even though I intend to hurt her, she'll keep finding a reason to come back." He held his arms out, "I'm irresistible!" _

_"She's too smart for you." Roy stood up, "If you think she'll fall for you then you are sorely mistaken."_

_Kimbley watched as Roy left, tapping his fingers on the table. Prude or not, he'd have his way. It wouldn't take much except the beauty of manipulation, which he hoped to sharpen his skills in. If years were permitted to him, he'd have to be careful with her in the instance that she figured him out. But Jane struck him as a girl with limited experience in the dangers of affection. That was the difference- She was a girl not a woman._

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><p><strong>There's more to come. :) stay tuned! haha. <strong>

**-TSA**


	3. I'll Be Home For Christmas

**Another chapter. hope to satisfy someone's curiosity! **

**Disclaimer: i don't own FMA or the song I'll Be Home For Christmas. **

**Ummm...this story is rated M for a reason. I'm giving you the warning bc this chapter is steamy. hope you enjoy. i'm having fun writing this, though its sorta odd. :/ **

**Read and review at your convenience!**

**-TSA**

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><p>Chapter 3: I'll Be Home For Christmas<p>

The smell of a freshly baked pumpkin pie made her mouth water. Checking its progress in the oven, she found herself wishing it was done just so she could eat it all by herself, though her intention was to share it with her subordinates at the office tomorrow. She spun around to the soft sound of her radio playing, giving Lacy a scratch behind the ears as she hopped up onto the counter. '_I'm dreaming tonight of a place I love. Even more than I usually do and although I know it's a long road back I promise you…'_

When the timer went off, she rushed to pull her pie from the oven, inhaling the cinnamon fragrance that tickled her nostrils. Lacy was purring loudly while circling back and forth on the counter to get a better whiff of the aromas that flooded the kitchen. Swatting her cat's paw away, she heard the creaking of her front door as it was slowly opened. She pulled the gun out from the back of her jeans, clicking the safety off.

Stepping around the staircase, she choked upon seeing Kimbley standing there, removing his snow covered jacket and fedora. Had he really found the key again? '_I'll be home for Christmas. You can count on me. Please have snow and mistletoe and presents by the tree.' _She tucked her gun away after clicking the safety back on while walking out from behind the staircase. This all looked so familiar that it was making her nauseas.

"Did you really find my key again?" she asked with exasperation.

Kimbley smirked, "This time you actually left the door unlocked."

She wrinkled her nose, muttering curses about her laziness, "But that doesn't mean you can just walk in without a knock!"

"Aw, the kitty cat does hiss…" He leaned up against the door, arms crossed over his chest while she fumed from his teasing, "I like it better when you _purr_."

"Why are you here?" she snapped.

He held his arms up above his head, "I told you I'd be visiting you soon."

"I don't have time for this." She turned on her heel and stomped off to the kitchen; where Lacy was dangling her paw overtop the pumpkin pie, swatting ever so often to test the temperature before she decided to try eating it. Jane tapped her on the head, "That'll be enough from you."

"Is that a pumpkin pie?" Kimbley asked while strolling into the kitchen.

Seizing a spatula, she wracked him across the knuckles with it, "You can't have any."

"Bitch…" he muttered.

Her eyes grew to the size of her head, "What did you just say?"

"Bitch." He smirked, that playful gleam in his eyes making her blood boil, "What are you going to do about it?" Lacy leapt from the kitchen high-top to the counter, rubbing up against Kimbley while purring loudly, "Damn. I miss the days that you made such affectionate sounds."

'_Christmas Eve will find you, where the love light gleams. I'll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams.'_

Jane walked over to him, arms crossed over her chest, "I'd appreciate if you stopped antagonizing me."

"I miss the times when I could get a rise out of you." He reached his hand out and stroked her flushed cheek, "You're keeping your distance."

"There's a reason for that." She smacked his hand aside, "You're nothing but trouble."

"Tell me something I don't know, Babe."

She gasped as his arms captured her waist, holding her so tightly up against his chest that she thought she'd suffocate. His amber eyes held her gaze set ablaze from his antagonizing, but she didn't want to look away. Her muscles were so tense and she knew that was how he wanted her. He wanted her to fight, to resist his control over her until he could make her snap, all her anger blossoming into a beautiful explosion of passion.

_'I'll be home for Christmas. You can count on me. Please have some snow and mistletoe and presents by the tree.'_

"Let me go."

He gently laid prickling kisses along her jaw while she squirmed in his embrace. Her skin was turning hot, her cheeks flushing dark as her chest heaved for a gasp of oxygen, "Is that what you really want?" One hand moved along her hip, sliding up over her breast, feeling for the petal of flesh from under her shirt and bra, "Tell me what you want."

Demanding little fuck…Jane closed her eyes while trying to get a grasp on her disappearing sanity. She grabbed hold of his wrist before pushing herself away from him, "I don't want this."

Kimbley sighed impatiently, "I'm really not in the mood for seducing you. Guess I'll just do things my way."

Jane pulled out her gun, safety off, and raised it between his eyes, "Take another step and you're done."

"I like when you play tough. It's a turn on!" He caught her in a moment's hesitation, lashing out to knock the gun from her hand. As it crashed to the floor, he grabbed her by the back of her pants while she dove for it, throwing her across the kitchen, "You asked for it."

Jane rubbed her head, not knowing the words she could possibly say to him to make him leave, "You're a monster."

He knelt down beside her, "I've worked very hard to become one. Once I'm through with you, you might as well make me the new King of Hell!"

"A title fit for a psychopath."

He rolled his eyes, smacking her across the face with the back of his hand. She recoiled with her hand pressed to her swelling lip, eyes wide as he rose to his feet, "That's what you think of me?"

He shrugged and slowly stalked out of the kitchen.

_'Christmas Eve will find me, where the love light gleams. I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams, if only in my dreams.'_

Jane dove for her gun, chasing after him, but when she came around from behind her staircase, he knocked the pistol from her hands. She scrambled to pull her alchemy gloves from her pocket, but he was already three steps ahead of her. She tripped over herself, hitting the floor with his weight bearing down on her. Fists flailing, she let out a cry before he pinned her down with her arms stretched above her head. Tears burned in her eyes.

"Putting up a fight, are we?" He leaned closer to her, breath hot on her neck and cheeks, "Purr for me…"

It hit her. She hated each sickening second. His lips were so hot, so welcoming that she couldn't help but melt underneath him. Hands sliding down her arms, she moaned quietly between their pursed lips, lusting for every inch of his sadistic nature. She untangled his hair from its hold, letting it fall as a curtain around their faces as kiss after kiss was forced upon her like she was being drowned for wanting a cool drink of water. Oh, the sins of mankind.

Seven ugly sins and she felt each of them inside of her. His hands were merciless in their trek of her body, unbuttoning and undressing her with such ease that she had forgotten in the instances that they were apart. She was cold, naked, defenseless, all her morals following the tainted whispers that hissed in her ears. His mouth was so hot, searing scars molding to calluses. She couldn't breathe while he tortured her with small caresses over the pert blossoms of her breasts.

Arms hooking around his shoulders, she pressed herself up against him in hopes to make some small contact with his skin. But he was teasing her, keeping her waiting until she'd beg for him. No, she'd never stoop that low again. He'd have to beg for her.

She fell back against the floor, hands braced against his chest to keep him at a distance. Her heart was beating fast as she gazed up into the crazed gleam of his eyes, frightened by his hunger. Those tears burned again, one falling in a perfect drop down her cheek then her neck. His weight suddenly came off her, the fire extinguished as he watched her with confusion on his face.

Jane grabbed her clothes, ashamedly dressing herself as his eyes remained glued to her. She shuttered when he stood up, unprepared for the arms that secured her in a comforting embrace. Her head buried in his chest while the tears dried from her eyes.

"I don't mean to be this way with you," he murmured.

"Why are you back in my life?" she sniffled.

He kissed her forehead, "Because I'm territorial."

"Manipulative bastard…" She broke herself from his arms, glancing over his shoulder. She walked over and grabbed his hat and jacket, throwing them at him while opening the door, "You've overstayed your welcome."

He smirked, grabbing her by the folds of her shirt and tugging her closer to press one last kiss to her lips, "I'll knock next time."

He left, wandering down the sidewalk while shrugging into his jacket. He fiddled with his hat, watching the snow fall against it and disappear. The game had just begun. Musing on his little victory, his mind lost itself to the sweet splendor of having explored her skin. It had been too long and that craving for carnage was becoming uncontrollable. His next move would be to make her believe that he actually had the ability to love her and that he was willing to ignore his orders to kill her.

"If only in my dreams…" he laughed.

. . . .

Jane sat alone at the bar, swishing the ice cubes in her glass of scotch around in circles with each turn of her wrist. Her eyes were lost to the lights that danced off the bottles of alcohol behind the bar counter, the glinting losing her in a swell of confusion that lulled her into a sleep. Head supported by her palm, she lazily asked for a refill on her drink, sliding the money over to the bartender, who looked concerned about her insisting on drinking more.

She glanced over her shoulder at the few couples that were scattered across the bar, snuggled up together like bundled blurs in the booth seats. She grimaced while taking a sip of her scotch, shocked again by its bitter taste that stung her throat. It had been awhile since she had drunk something alcoholic, but tonight felt reasonable. Dressed in a short black dress with tights on underneath, she looked like she was prepared for a little danger from a flirtatious eye.

But she just wanted to be alone.

"Excuse me, Bartender?" She waved him over, "Can you maybe change the song to something upbeat?"

"I'll see what I can do."

Smiling a little, she listened to bluesy atmosphere that made her think about the old jazz clubs she used to love. Her parents would take her there when she was younger, building an admiration for that music in the young girl she once was. She drank a little more, the bartender asking if she wanted another. Upon answering 'yes', a man in a black coat strolled up and ordered one with her, paying for both of them.

"It's a shame when pretty girls have to drink by themselves."

Jane smiled up at Roy as he sat down on the barstool beside hers, "How'd you know I was here?"

"I didn't. That was just a bonus." He took a sip from his glass of scotch, "What are you doing all by yourself?"

"Drinking away a few hundred miseries." She ran her fingers through her hair, "My past caught up to me."

"I'm thinking a transfer to Briggs would help you out."

Jane chuckled, "Frozen tundra? Could be worse…" She stared off to the right so he couldn't see her face, "…I could be stuck with Kimbley."

Roy's brow furrowed, "Kimbley's in jail-"

"He's been pardoned." She refused to look at him, but she knew his face would be taught with anger, "He paid a visit to my house."

Roy grabbed her arm, pulling her to look over at him, "Has he hurt you?" He already knew that answer, "Damn it, Jane."

"Don't give me that, Roy."

"How long are you going to keep this up?"

"I'm fine!" She ran her fingers through her hair again, "I've always been fine."

Roy sighed with frustration, taking out the rest of his drink with a tilt of his head. Setting the glass down, he ran his finger along the rim until a light humming erupted, mixing with the saucy tune in the bar. He saw people standing up to dance, their bodies molding together in the low dim lights. With a grin, he slid his hand over Jane's until she intertwined her fingers with his. He stood with her at his side and escorted her onto the small dance floor.

His arms held her waist, hands resting against her hips, not daring to go further. She rested her head against his chest while they swayed to the soft tune that spoke of love and the beauty of a woman. She wanted to believe she'd be embarrassed for sharing such sensual innocence with her commanding officer, but their friendship made things normal. He spun her out of his arms then gently tucked her close, staring down into those green eyes.

Jane could feel the alcohol sitting in her stomach, swishing around violently with the acids already in there. She continued to sway with him, but her world was spinning too fast. Her knees quaked and she could feel her skin turn clammy. Breaking away from Roy, she rushed off to the bathroom, throwing herself into a stall as she emptied the contents of her stomach. Each heave made her feel like she was being stabbed, tears clouding her eyes until the vomiting had stopped.

She held onto the toilet seat for a few minutes before attempting to stand in her stiletto heels. Throwing her shoes aside, she gathered up her energy and forced herself to stand, though she couldn't keep her knees from shaking. Her hands held against the sink while she turned on the water and splashed it over her face. As she washed her mouth out, the door to the bathroom opened and Roy walked in with her coat in his hands.

"How many drinks did you have?" he asked while she grabbed a paper towel to wipe her mouth.

"Four." She teetered backwards, taking hold of the sink again to restrain herself from falling, "I'm such a lightweight."

"I'll take you home."

He watched her wobble back into one of the stalls, her shoes in her hands as she walked back out. As she slid into her red coat, he swept her up into his arms and carried her out of the bar. She felt awkward with the stares people gave her, whispering amongst themselves and creating stories as to why he was holding her. Shaking her head, she decided to close her eyes in the attempt to sleep off the dizziness that plagued her stomach.

Upon arriving at her home, she was set on her feet to retrieve the key from her pocket. She tripped inside, nearly toppling over until Roy seized her waist. He pulled her back up against himself as if they had been dancing, his eyes all too concerned about her condition.

"You should get home, Colonel." His brow furrowed at her use of his title, "I can handle it from here."

"Sleep as long as you need to. You won't be punished for being late," he replied.

"Oh, good." She wobbled her way out of his embrace, making her way over to the couch in the living room, "I might not wake for awhile."

When Roy left, she collapsed onto her couch, face pressed to the pillows. She tucked her knees to her chest and closed her eyes, ignoring that she didn't have a blanket, but her house was relatively warm. Sleep took over, though not pleasantly. The entire night was plagued by memories and nightmares of her past.

. . . .

_It was useless to keep cleaning her gloves. They were just going to get bloodied up like the soldiers lying on bed cots in the medical tents. Their one building that had certainly been roomier was being used to torture Ishbalan captives in experiments. She had been meaning to check up with Doctor Knox in hopes that he hadn't lost his sanity just yet. There were very few people who could even compose themselves; her number of nurses was slowly diminishing._

_She wandered outside to the dirt and dust of the camp, eyes squinting in the sunlight. She rested her hands on her hips while searching through the crowds of soldiers in hopes that she'd find a familiar face. But not seeing Roy led her to believe that he was out on the frontline, committing unspeakable horrors that came to life in his eyes. Bowing her head, she walked back through the tent flaps to check up on Maes Hughes, who she hoped could offer some comfort to her._

_But when she walked to where his "room" was, she found an empty bed. Brows knitting, she grabbed the first nurse that walked past her, "Where's Captain Maes Hughes?"_

_The woman flipped through her clipboard, "He was sent back to the frontline. General's orders."_

_Jane shoved the woman aside, storming from the tent and across the camp to a building that housed the commanding officers of the military forces. She got into a shouting argument with the soldier guarding the door, but nothing she said granted her entrance. She tried to force her way in when a man pushed his way between them. Recognizing his face, she grabbed him by the sleeve of his military jacket before he walked inside._

_"You're not allowed inside, Ma'am!" the soldier on guard yelled._

_Kimbley raised a brow, glancing down at where Jane was now clinging to his arm, "She's with me."_

_The soldier was fuming, "She has no business bothering the generals."_

_"Well, even if that's truth, I don't mind being accompanied by a pretty face." _

_He gave her a wink._

_"A woman has no place on the battlefield…" The soldier grumbled, "…not even as a doctor."_

_She ignored his words while Kimbley directed her inside the dimly lit building, her arm still linked with his. He stopped a moment before they entered the conference room, peering down at her with his beautiful amber eyes._

_"For the sake of curiosity…" He leaned against the wall, "…why were you trying to get in here?"_

_Jane wrinkled her nose, "I had a patient set for another few days of bed rest and they overruled my judgment and sent him back to the frontline!"_

_He seemed overly amused by her flaring temper, "Hate to break it to you, but you don't hold a high command. Your word means nothing."_

_"I won't back down, if that's what you're asking me to do."_

_Kimbley smirked, that fire of her eyes dancing madly. He stepped towards her until her back hit the opposite wall, resting an arm above her head, "You're determined. I like it."_

_"I don't need your approval," she retorted._

_He began to laugh, his breath hot against her neck, his words snaking in her ears, "I didn't know you could bite, Janie."_

_"There's a lot you don't know about me." She pressed herself up against the wall, trying to avoid brushing up against him, "I feel as though you're trying to prevent me from standing up for myself?"_

_"Actually, I'd like to hear you out against those old men." He stroked her cheek, which made her body go rigid, "But they aren't here right now."_

_"Then why did you drag me in here?"_

_"I didn't drag you." He flicked her nose, "I'm here on my own business and I was happy to oblige to your company."_

_Jane was beginning to see what Roy was warning her about, "I would like to leave, Major."_

_He took a step back, arms spread wide as if he were about to create a massive explosion, "I'd hate for you to be uncomfortable, Janie."_

_"I'm not uncomfortable." She stared at him, eyes focused on the few buttons of his military jacket that were undone. She bit her bottom lip, wondering if she had the audacity to suppress her curiosity about what lie underneath. Staggering a step forward, she shut off her screaming mind, "We're alone, aren't we?"_

_He smirked, noticing her eyes flicker from his face to his jacket, "Yes."_

_Jane walked over to him, forcing her legs to stop shaking. Her hands slid up his chest, stopping to unbutton his jacket and slide it from his shoulders. There was a blush in her cheeks as she watched each muscle tense while she dragged her fingertips over his chest. She tried to breathe as deeply as she could, though the air around them was musky with a mix of sweat and her perfume. As he raised his hands to her blouse, she began to unbutton it, fumbling as her hands shook with anticipation._

_He licked his lips, mouth dry as he stared at her tan skin and plump bosom that peeked out from under her bra. He hesitantly caressed her waist, not wanting to lose himself too quickly, but she took hold of his wrists and brought them against her breasts, her lips meeting his in a kiss of dark passion. He kneaded each plump mound, reveling in her soft cries and moans. His tongue pried open her lips to suckle the moisture of her mouth._

_Her back was against the wall, his hands mercilessly trekking over her body. She shivered when he un-zippered her pants, fingers prickling against her barrier. He smirked in their kiss until she broke her mouth from his, breathy words slipping from her mouth. _

_"Oh, God…don't…" She blushed as he peered down at her flushed face, "…hesitate…" _

_Her nails dug at his shoulders while his fingers moved inside her underwear, prodding at her entrance. Sliding one inside of her, she nearly collapsed, her thighs quaking against his pagan rhythm. She wasn't sure when the second or third finger entered her, but it was too much for her to keep her conscious. So far gone…everything a blur…Her thighs hurt so bad and her abdomen was tight enough to make her cry out in pain. When he withdrew from her, she released that unearthly climax._

_"Fuck…" She panted, glancing down at her pants, "It's getting everywhe-!"_

_She gasped as Kimbley pulled her pants and underwear down to her knees. Her eyes were wide as he knelt in front of her, mouth parting her nether lips while he licked her climax that started from her exhausted entrance. If her thighs hurt before, it was nothing compared to the pleasure she felt. His tongue was merciless, snaking in and out of her. Her fingers tangled in his hair while she moaned his name._

_She nearly collapsed when he rose to his feet, licking his lips then cleaning off the mess that remained on his fingers. Blushing darkly, she quickly redressed herself, fumbling like a child with the buttons of her blouse. Her skin was clammy and her limbs were so loose that she was wondering if she could even walk. Glancing at Kimbley, she found his smirk dancing with life and his eyes still fired with passion. No more…_

_"You're a naughty girl." _

_He wrapped her in his arms, suffocating her in his embrace._

_"Please, don't say anything about this," she pleaded._

_"Only if I can have you again." He nipped at her ear, goose-bumps crawling over her skin. "I like your taste." _

_The tip of his tongue dragged along the side of her neck, a shock spiraling down her spine. She brought his face to hers and pressed a kiss to his lips, tongue working until she could taste herself in the corners of his mouth. When she managed to pull herself away from him, she was panting, her eyes cast to the floor. Glancing up at him, she saw his face slightly dumbfounded, though his eyes were still ablaze._

_"If you want me again then you'll need to try a little harder to convince me." She smirked, something that felt weird, "I'm not going to be easy on you."_

_He began to chuckle, "I like a challenge, but be careful." He picked up his jacket, "I'm a dangerous guy."_

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><p><strong>So yeah...here's the end of chapter 3! i will continue to update, but your support would be much appreciated! <strong>

**-TSA**


	4. Riu Riu Chiu

**Hello! First off, I want to thank everyone for the support I've gotten so far! Glad to see I've gotten some people interested. :)**

**Alrighty! Surprise, Suprise, there's more Kimbley stuff with another frustrate Roy. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA nor the song Riu Riu Chiu. **

**Btw: I'll give you all a translation on the lyrics used... **

**1. _'Riu, riu, chiu. La guarda ribera. Dios guarde el lobo. De nuestra cordera.'_ = Riu Riu Chiu (nightengale's sounds). The river bank protects it, as God kept the wolf from our lamb.**

**2. _'El lobo rabioso. La quiso morder. Mas Dios poderoso. La supo defender. Quizole hazer que. No pudiesse pecar. Ni aun original. Esta uirgen no tuuiera.' = _The rabid wolf tried to bite her, but God Almighty knew how to defend her. He wished to create her impervious to sin, nor was this maid to embody original sin.**

**3. _'Este uiene a dar. A los muertos uida. Y uiene a reparar. De todas la cayla. Es la luz del dia. Aqueste mocuelo. Este es el cordero. Que San Juan dixera.' = _He comes to give life to the dead. He comes to redeem the fall of man. This child is the light of day. He is the very lamb Saint John prophecied.**

**OK...hope that's all of them. :) **

**ENJOY!**

**-TSA**

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><p>Chapter 4: Riu Riu Chiu<p>

"That's not fair! You already got a piece!"

Roy smirked as Ed wailed while he stole a second piece of pumpkin pie, "I'm a colonel; I'm entitled to more than you!"

Ed began to pout, which made Jane giggle as she watched their quarrel, "I'll bake another one just for _you_, Edward."

His smile grew to the size of his face, "Take that, Colonel!"

"But that's not fair!" Roy whined, still holding his second piece of pie, "I'm your superior officer and _he_ gets a pie to himself?"

"See what happens when you act greedily?" She picked up her empty pan and skipped off to her office, Roy trudging behind her, "You're a selfish boy."

He set his plate down and closed the door, watching the flicker in her eyes, "That's why I advanced ranks so quickly."

"Always worrying about yourself." She tossed her military jacket onto her couch, standing in just her tank top while she tied up her hair, "Is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Roy lifted a brow, "I think it's just you."

That was probably truth. She was exhausted from her dreams and nightmares, too caught up in her memories of her tangles with Kimbley. It was just sickening. Her head felt like it was still swimming from her alcohol the previous night. But staring at Roy, who was no good at hiding his concern, she felt even worse. He had taken care of her after the war, but she'd always forgotten to consider the affections that were being forced back down inside her heart. She'd always been too busy with Kimbley.

She shrugged, feeling her skin go clammy again. Slumping onto the couch, she sprawled out with her legs hanging over the arm, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." He pulled up her chair and sat down, "Then I'd like to ask _you_ something."

"Did I change after The Ishbalan War?"

Roy's brow furrowed, "We all changed."

"I mean…" She sighed heavily, "…did I change enough to never repeat the mistakes I made?"

"Mistakes are human." He crossed his arms over his chest, "I had hoped that all of us grew past the things we had done."

"I hope so…"

Roy shifted in his seat, watching as Jane rolled over onto her side so that her back was facing him. He waited a few minutes before walking over to her and sitting on the arm of the couch, reaching a hand out to brush her wisps of hair from her eyes. Tapping her on the nose, she finally looked up at him.

"Can I ask my question?" he said.

She half smiled, "Go for it."

"Why is it that every time Kimbley walks into your life, you let him dictate you?"

Her brows knitted and she faced the back of the couch again, breathing heavily while bottling up her anger at the truth. Of course Roy would notice…She tucked her knees to her chest, her stomach flipping like it had last night. Her throat burned as she fumbled for an excuse, some reason that she allowed Kimbley to control her. But that wasn't anything logical to say. There was only the truth of the matter, which she needed to tell Roy.

But he wasn't going to like the truth.

"I love him, Roy."

He shook his head, "How can you?"

"I thought he was the one-"

"But why does he control you?"

Jane slowly sat up, running her fingers across her palms, imagining the lines of Kimbley's alchemy symbols. The sun and the moon…fire and water…Yin and Yang…her and him, "We're two parts of the same whole."

"You really believe that?" Roy snapped.

"He's made me believe that." She cast her eyes to her window, wanting more than anything to jump from it, "Some things just stay with you forever."

"You're your own person." His hand clenched to fists, "It's your choice if you want to keep believing him. I think that's a lousy way to go through life." He rose to his feet and walked to the door, opening it with a glance over his shoulder, "Maybe it's time that we look at each other as Colonel and Lieutenant Colonel?"

Jane looked at her hands, biting at the insides of her mouth, "I don't want to be that way."

"I'm not sure we have a choice anymore."

He left, closing the door quietly, which only made the silence of her room even more difficult to deal with.

Sitting down at her desk, she dug out her small wooden box, searching for a comfort in her collection of memories. She pulled out the bullet that she had pried from Roy's shoulder, laughing at Hughes' request to show no mercy. She grabbed a few more small trinkets like her first pair of alchemy gloves, a pendant that a dying soldier told her to hold onto, pictures of her parents, pebbles from the beach back home. A smile crossed her lips as she thought about how she'd be with her family soon on her favorite day of the year.

. . . .

Jane threw a few logs into the fireplace, lighting it with a match. She thawed out her hands while Lacy circled around her ankles, purring loudly, obviously waiting for when she'd be fed. Strolling into the kitchen, she filled her cat's food dish before marching upstairs to shower. Only four more days. She was getting so excited, but a thought occurred to her. She hadn't finished her Christmas shopping! Writing herself a note on the pad of paper on her nightstand, she turned on her radio then began to undress.

Her military uniform was tossed on the ground while she stood in her tank-top and underwear. _'Riu, riu, chiu. La guarda ribera. Dios guarde el lobo. De nuestra cordera.'_ She began humming along with the melody, not knowing the pronunciations of the words sung. But there was another sound in her bedroom. Brows knitting together, she realized that her bathroom door was closed and the shower seemed to be running. How she'd missed that earlier was beyond her…

Deciding that she could handle this without her gun, she stepped into her bathroom to find a white suit lying across the marble floors. She grinned while watching the shadow of the tall fellow in her shower. With a shake of her head, she finished undressing and opened the shower door, welcomed by the heat of the water and the heat of the man standing there. Her hands slid up his spine before wrapping around his shoulders as she stood up on her toes.

She pressed a kiss behind his ear, so lost to the sensations spurring from the situation. When he finally turned to her, she found herself with a blush rising in her cheeks at the way his hair fell against his face and the way the water washed down his skin. _'El lobo rabioso. La quiso morder. Mas Dios poderoso. La supo defender. Quizole hazer que. No pudiesse pecar. Ni aun original. Esta uirgen no tuuiera.'_

"I thought you were going to knock this time?" she laughed.

"I did, but you weren't home." He untied her hair from its bun, "So, I let myself in. Key under the flowerpot? Almost got me there."

She shook her head with a playful roll of her eyes. His hands slithered over her shoulders until he held her face in his hands. Closing her eyes, she soaked in the warmth of the water and the taste of his lips. His arms encompassed her waist, each inch of his skin pressing against hers. When their kiss broke, she opened her eyes to find herself alone. Kimbley's shadow was outside of the shower, leaving her to the rush of the water on her back.

"I'll let you clean up," he said.

Jane wasted little time in doing so. As she strolled from her bathroom with her towel wrapped tightly around her, she found Kimbley half dressed, his pants left un-zippered. She sauntered up in front of him, arms hugging herself to hide the tops of her breasts that peeked from under her towel. _'Riu, riu, chiu. La guarda ribera. Dios guarde el lobo. De nuestra cordera.'_

"You're certainly a man of your word," she said.

"I'm a gentleman-"

"More like a psychopath in disguise." He narrowed his eyes on her, but she still giggled, "Nice façade…"

He held his arms above his head, "Alright, you've caught me!"

"The question is…" She gave him a thoughtful look, "…what to do with you now that you are here."

He pulled her hands away from her bosom, hooking them around his neck, "I could think of a few things."

"I didn't ask for your suggestions," she sneered.

"Then do with me what you wish." He kissed her cheek, "But I've warned you before- I'm a dangerous guy."

She stared over his shoulder as he kissed and nipped at the side of her neck. Biting her lip, she braced her hands against his chest and locked her arms to give them distance between each other. Everything hurt, her heart, her legs, her arms, her mind…She adjusted her towel, though her eyes never left his. _'Este uiene a dar. A los muertos uida. Y uiene a reparar. De todas la cayla. Es la luz del dia. Aqueste mocuelo. Este es el cordero. Que San Juan dixera.'_

"I'm sorry." Her features sharpened, "I can't let you keep doing this to me."

He smirked, "And what is it that I'm _supposedly_ doing?"

"You can't control me."

Jane walked into her closet, quickly dressing before grabbing a pair of alchemy gloves that were hidden the back. Slipping them onto her hands, her fingers welcomed the cloth like a fresh coat of skin. She made her way into her bedroom to see Kimbley with his arms wide, dressed in his white suit.

"Are we going to have a match?" he asked.

She set her hands on her hips, "Not in my house!"

He laughed, gesturing her to walk downstairs, "Then shall we take this outside?"

That was the beginning of it. The streets were practically empty, the air was brisk and clean, the roads covered in snow, the sun ducking below the horizon. The perfect battlefield. She breathed in the crisp air, her lungs near bursting from the prospect of fighting him. Destruction vs. Reconstruction. Tying her hair up, she exhaled, fog seeping from her lips, and held her fists up.

His first blast was what she expected – A huge explosion with no direction, tearing the street in half. The asphalt crumbled under her feet, but she was still standing as the smoke cleared. Her skin was blackened from the flames, but with a clap of her hands, the tiny wounds healed. Slamming her hands together as if they were a gun, she shot a beam of energy toward him. Her next one followed suit after the first, knocking him over into the ground.

She knelt to the ground, closing one eye while shot after shot was fired from her fingertips, her shoulder jerking backward in recoil as the blasts became more destructive. Bracing herself against the explosion that lit up the empty building beside her, she built a wall of energy that absorbed his strike, panting to catch her breath. She glanced around the side of it, but covered her head as the road was torn apart again. Her ears were hurting from the sound of the explosions, her vision blurring for several seconds.

Slamming her palms to the ground, she created several more walls of energy that would disappear if she didn't move fast. She raced toward each checkpoint, firing her beams of energy again. She cursed about how her attacks were not enough to cause real damage, just enough to cause frustration and wear him out. But that wouldn't be enough, and she was quickly losing stamina. Hitting him square in the chest, she was late to reaching the next wall, the light fading into the crisp air. The explosion threw her so far down the road that she wondered if she was even going to be able to move afterward.

Her head throbbed, her ears ringing as she tried to make out the sounds of yelling from around her. She pulled herself out of the asphalt, though however slowly, and took her stance. His laughter swept through her shaking eardrums, enough to make her cry out in fury as she clapped her hands together.

Kimbley smirked, the explosion built completely of her energy washed over him, blinding his eyes and upturning the sidewalks around him. He was thrown backwards into the ground, the snow burying him. When the darkening skies were finally revealed and he gazed up, he saw Jane in front of him, hands at her sides, "That's lovely work, Janie."

She took a step toward him, breathing heavily while her legs fought to hold her up, "I'm not proud of this."

"I see you listened to my lessons."

"Eve listened to the snake in the Garden, disobeying God's one rule. Though Adam and she had gained knowledge, they were punished for their distrust in God." Jane reached her hand out between them, "I had heard the snake in my ears, I accepted his chiding. The knowledge I have is destructive and God punishes me with never being able to forget it."

_'Este uiene a dar. A los muertos uida. Y uiene a reparar. De todas la cayla. Es la luz del dia. Aqueste mocuelo. Este es el cordero. Que San Juan dixera.'_

Kimbley took hold of her hand, but instead of being pulled to his feet, he felt like a bullet had ripped through his veins. He crumbled at her feet, holding in his cries of pain as his heart pumped for a few seconds then stopped. Buckling over, he tried to yank his hand from hers, but her grip was iron and his muscles had been diminished to near nothing. When she let him go, he crashed back against the snow while clutching the folds of his shirt.

"What the fuck?" he yelled.

Jane's bottom lip trembled, her eyes shadowed as she stared at the ground, "Ishbal ruined me. I was taught things that I never want to remember. But that's my punishment, right? I sought knowledge, but found its ugly form." She stared at the symbols on the palms of her gloves, "I am the Bleeding Life Alchemist. I have tortured and killed men by my own hands, my own will. You were right, Solf…" Her eyes met his, "…blood doesn't wash off that easily."

Kimbley could feel his heart begin to beat normally, "What kind of alchemy was that?"

"It's not a particular type." Jane tugged her gloves off, "I can create energy and explosions of minimal damage, control the flow of energy in the Earth, yet I can rearrange your insides, I can stop your heart, I can implode your organs, I can do a thousand _miserable_ things because of these gloves..." She looked off to the left, "…because I know the composition of the human body from the people I have killed."

"You're just as dangerous as I am." Kimbley stood up, dusting the snow from his suit, "I understand more about why you're wanted dead instead of alive."

She opened her arms out to him, "Then do it."

"Do what?"

"Kill me, you dumb fuck!"

Kimbley began to laugh, an ugly, hollow sound, "I'd like to keep you around for a little while."

Jane narrowed her eyes on him as he stepped toward her and held her face in his hands, "I don't want to wait to die."

"When have you ever known me to follow orders?"

"When have I ever known you to tell the truth?"

He kissed her, though however gentle it was, it still stung her lips like a thousand needles, "There are a few things that I wouldn't lie about."

"I don't want to know those things."

She tugged her gloves off and began walking down the upturned streets, ignoring the eyes that followed her. She could hear cars closing in, soldiers shouting orders to find out who caused the mess. Disappearing into her house, she collapsed onto her couch and buried her face in the pillows while screaming loudly. When she felt her cat begin to walk across her back, she sat up until Lacy jumped onto the arm of the couch.

Throwing her gloves onto the ground, she watched them flicker red in the lamplight. It looked like little gemstones were woven into the stainless material. Of course, that was truth. The carbon fibers that built her gloves had been infused with hundreds of souls all from a few beautiful Red Stones. Her advancements in alchemy were practically impossible without them. But that didn't make her feel any better.

The knock on her door made her nearly flip off the couch. Crawling over to the door, she weakly opened it to find three officers standing there. She rose to her feet, a blush rising in her cheeks as Roy strolled up between all of them. He gave the men a wave, dismissing them as he walked into her house.

"Am I to assume that you killed him?" Roy asked, removing his black coat and hanging it up.

"I don't need any more blood on my hands," she retorted.

Roy sighed impatiently while following her into the kitchen. She took a pitcher of lemonade from the refrigerator and poured each of them a glass, which Roy took gratefully. She sat down at her table, waiting for his scolding of her.

"You're being reckless," he said.

Jane shook her head, "I wish there were a way that I could convince you to stay out of this."

"I outrank you, Lieutenant Colonel."

"Convenient, right?" She rose to her feet, Lacy jumping onto the counter to sniff at Roy's jacket. She filled her cat's food dish before gesturing for Roy to follow her into the living room, "I'm guessing I need to pay for the damages outside?"

"You're lucky to be in the military. We've got things covered." He set his glass down on the coffee table, "I wish I understood your thought process."

"Trust me, not even my parents understand it-"

"Yet Kimbley does."

Jane rolled her eyes, trying not to shout at him, "You're obsessed with bringing that up."

"It sits uneasily with me."

"I don't care if it 'sits uneasily' with you." Jane stood up, "It's none of your business."

Roy gazed up at her, watching as her shoulders shook with tension, "It becomes my business when it affects you as my subordinate." Jane felt small as he stood, his frame towering over hers. She sighed heavily so that her body relaxed and her shoulders dropped. Roy's hand touched her chin and drew her face up to his, "I don't like to think of you as only a soldier under my command."

Her eyes tried to leave his, but she was captivated by the softness of his stare. She had seen that look during their time after Ishbal. Time healed her, but those wounds were reopening, "Something needs to change, Roy. We can't-"

"Why not?" He wanted to kiss her. His skin felt hot and shivers danced up and down his spine the longer he stared into her green eyes, "He doesn't deserve you."

She shook her head while standing up on her toes. She gave him a kiss on the cheek before gesturing to the door, "I'm sorry, Roy."

As she went to walk past him, he grabbed her by her shoulders. His mouth hit hers hard, though despite the desperateness in his kiss, she melted against him. Her hands slid up his chest, his arms suffocating her waist so that her heart beat against his. She gasped for a breath of air, trying to avoid that drowning sensation, though she wanted to lose herself for awhile. She stared into his dark eyes and sighed heavily.

"My apologies, Lieutenant Colonel," he muttered.

But Jane held him against herself, her fingers entwined in the collar of his jacket, "We've never really been just 'friends', have we?"

"But we can't just be in between." Roy straightened out, her hands sliding down his chest, "Do you or do you not want to be with me. I want all of you, and nothing less."

Jane's brow furrowed and she bowed her head, "You can't have all of me-"

"Why not?" He stared off to the right, "It's all because of _him_."

Jane balled her hands into fists, "Because whether you like it or not, he's part of me!" She trembled while fighting back her tears, "If you want all of me then you have to accept what part of me is him!"

Roy turned his back, breathing deeply until his temper had dropped. He walked over and retrieved his coat, "Merry Christmas, Lieutenant Colonel."

Jane slammed the door behind him, sliding down to the floor with her knees tucked to her chest. She stared at the floor until Lacy's white coat came into view and she nudged her hand with her cold nose. Giving her a scratch behind the ears, she wondered if he would even bother to come over on Christmas

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><p><strong>Idk about all of you reading this...but i actually made myself feel bad about Jane denying Roy, which would seem weird since I wrote it... Oh well. : **

**There will be plenty more of an explanation to Jane's alchemy. everything healing wise is based off her OWN energy and the only way she can cause real damage is if she can "get her hands" on the person. it doesn't work from a distance. she can sense the earth's energy and use it, but that only works when her hands (transmutation circles) make contact with the ground. **

**Hope you enjoyed it. There's definitely more to come! Thanks again for the support! I appreciate your thoughts.**

**-TSA**


	5. It's Gonna Be Love

**here's another installment. hope you enjoy. **

**as for where Kimbley's emotions end up...i wouldn't mind that being up to those of you reading this. if you prefer that he isn't such an ass, then i can change things up a little. if you like him as he is, then we'll keep going with this. **

**but, this chapter makes him seem more human (in my opinion)**

**Disclaimer: i don't own FMA nor the song "It's Gonna Be Love" by Mandy Moore.**

**Enjoy. Read and Review,**

**-TSA**

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><p>Chapter 5: It's Gonna Be Love<p>

Rushing downstairs, she threw her sweatshirt on while nearly tripping over Lacy, who was trying to get down the staircase faster. It was early in the evening and she was expecting her parents to be at her house very soon. The knock on her door excited her and she burst over to the door and unlocked it hastily. Welcoming the chill of the winter air, she felt as giddy as a child opening a new toy on Christmas. But disappointment couldn't have hurt any worse.

"Please not now," she pleaded while Kimbley pushed his way inside. She watched him apprehensively, wondering what it was that he was hiding behind his back, "My parents will be here soon."

"The trains are delayed an hour." Kimbley wasn't smirking. His eyes were calm and his grin was soft, "I wanted to see you before I leave."

"Leave where?"

She scolded herself for sounding concerned.

"I have a mission." He tipped his hat up while rocking from his heels to his toes, "I'll only stay if I'm welcomed."

Jane went to yell at him to leave until he revealed the bouquet of roses that he was hiding behind his back. She gasped, bringing a hand to her mouth while staring over the beautiful red petals that glistened with droplets of water from the melted snow. Taking them from him, she felt her eyes well with tears upon the truth that stung her heart. God, she loved him. She stepped closer him, one hand sliding over his cheek until it was behind his neck.

Eyes closed, heart beating in her ears, skin burning, she kissed him. His arms encompassed her waist while she dropped the bouquet to the ground to wrap herself close to him, wanting to know if his heart really did beat for her. His tongue was warm, tentatively brushing over hers until she brought a harder kiss to his lips. When she caught her breath, he pressed his forehead to hers and smiled. _'Time, I've been patient for so long. How can I pretend to be so strong? Looking at you, Baby. Feeling it too, Baby. If I'm asking you to hold me tight then it's gonna be all right.'_

"Remember how I told you that I don't lie about a few things…?" He brought a hand to her cheek, stroking her flushed skin, "This is love, Jane."

Jane wasn't in the mood for arguing. She kissed him again under the notion that this moment together would be sinful. She would lose the battle, willing to surrender so that she could have him one last time. Leaving was too much for her despite that she had considered it. That's why she had been so miserable before. She had been alone without him.

"Promise me something," she whispered, taking his hand and leading him upstairs.

Kimbley swept her into his arms before they stumbled into her room, "Anything."

"Promise me that you'll think of me."

His brow furrowed while she shuffled into her room. He followed after her, arms crossed over his chest as she stood across the room with her arms around herself, "I always think about you."

She laughed spitefully, "As in, let me know you're thinking of me."

She walked back over to him, discarding her sweatshirt to stand in her bra of a lacy red. She slowly unbuttoned his shirt and slid it from his shoulders until it fell in a pool on the floor. His arms suffocated her again, each inch of skin pressed together, while he trailed kisses along her jaw line until he found her lips again. Tongue prying open her mouth, he untied her pajamas pants and slid them from her lovely legs. She shivered from the cold of her room, though his embrace filled her with a sense of warmth.

Lips pulling from his, she braced her hands against his chest, "Solf, I-I'm not-"

"Don't hesitate."

Jane moaned as he kissed her again, unclasping her bra. His hands were gentle against the plump mounds, though an ache inside of her wanted him to be his merciless self. Her hands were unsteady to undress him and she hardly remembered how they got to her bed. Smiling up at him, she untied his hair and ran her fingers through the silky strands. He took her hand and kissed her palm before setting it over his heart. _'It's gonna be love. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be more then I can take.'_

"The monster does have a heart," Jane whispered with a small smirk curling at the corners of her mouth.

'_It's gonna be free. It's gonna be real. It's gonna change everything I feel.'_

"Because of you, Babe."

Her hand fell from his chest while he ran his fingers over her thigh, goose-bumps following behind the tiny caresses. She blushed as he brought her legs up around his waist, his erection pressing to her entrance. Arms holding him tightly, she kissed him before he slid inside of her.

The world was gone. Nothing was left but the four white walls of her bedroom. The only sounds that could be heard were their soft breathing and the heavy beating of their hearts. It was a bond. Adam and Eve…Yin and Yang…Deconstruction and Reconstruction…her and him… Her nails dug into his shoulder blades, losing their grip against his sweaty muscles. Their lips parted while he buried his head against her collarbones, her chest heaving while the pressure in her abdomen rose to her head.

She nearly lost herself as that release washed over her. His name slipped from her lips, though however quietly, it was enough to make him smirk. Her sheath ached with pleasure, his hot seed nestling itself inside of her. He gently brushed her light brown hair from her face, smiling down at the way it framed her flushed cheeks. Kissing her brow, he rolled over to her side while she nestled herself against his chest.

'_It's gonna be sad. It's gonna be true. It's gonna be me, Baby. It's gonna be you, Baby.'_

"Wouldn't it be nice if no one else in the world existed?" Kimbley muttered.

Jane tugged her blankets further over herself to hide her embarrassment of being naked, "I wouldn't want _everyone_ to be gone."

"Who would you keep around?"

_'Time, am I restless or a fool? How can you pretend to be so cruel? Maybe it's me, Baby? Maybe it's true, Baby? Maybe it's everything were dreaming of? We waited long enough.'_

"My parents, of course." She bit at the insides of her mouth, "My friends-"

"Like Mustang?"

Jane sat up, her brow furrowing, "I have other friends besides him."

"Just curious." Kimbley pulled her back down to him, tracing over her collarbones before setting a kiss in the valley between her breasts, "You need something to show off your neck."

She drummed her fingers against his chest, "Then buy me a necklace."

"I just might…" He kissed her skin again, "A pendent to lie in the valley of your womanly pleasures."

She giggled while he rolled overtop her, bracing her hands against his chest to keep him at a distance. She wanted to admire his gentle features for just a bit longer. When they kissed again, a loud knocking erupted from downstairs. Kicking Kimbley off her, Jane bolted to dress herself, though her body was weak from her tangle. She tied her hair up, though that hardly helped making her look less like she had just had sex. Rushing to the front door, she flung it open to find her parents standing on the front step.

"Bought time you answered!" her mother scolded.

Jane smiled as best she could while helping them drag their luggage inside, quickly grabbing her bouquet of roses and tossing it around the corner. She greeted them with a hug and a kiss, though her father gave her a little glance that told her he knew what was going on, "I'm so glad you made it!"

"But that damn train!" Her mother tossed her jacket onto the couch before petting Lacy, "You're cat is too thin."

Jane rolled her eyes while stifling a laugh, "Lacy is healthy, Mom."

"Who did you say bought her for you?" her mother replied

Her father wrapped an arm around her shoulders, quickly changing the subject, "Are we to be expecting visitors this Christmas?"

"Well, there is one." Glancing at the staircase, she was glad to see that Kimbley hadn't decided to come down, "You remember Colonel Mustang?"

Her mother's smile came to life, "Are you finally dating him?"

Jane's eyes were wide, "Mom!"

"He's a fine gentleman! A looker, if I say so myself." Her mother gave her a wink, which made Jane wish that she wasn't alive, "Better not let him stray too far!"

"Mom!" Jane smacked herself on the forehead, "He's just a good friend of mine. Can you let it be that?"

Her mother wrinkled her nose, "Oh, fine." Jane began walking upstairs, but her mother cut her off, "Might we have a tour of the house again?"

"Mom, it's the same as it was last Christmas." Jane looked up to see Kimbley walk out of her room. She bolted up the steps and shoved him back inside, slamming the door shut. Glancing at the bottom of the staircase, she saw her parents giving her a confused stare, "I'll be down in a few minutes!"

She slid into her room and closed the door. When she turned around, she was pinned up against the wall, Kimbley's lips hungrily taking her in a deep kiss. She gasped as he dug himself between her thighs, a low moan vibrating from her throat. Her arms slid around his neck while his tongue brushed over hers, suckling the moisture from her mouth.

"S-Solf-!" She shoved him backward, her heart racing mad with pleasure as he gave her a wink, "My parents are here!"

He began to laugh, "I haven't met them, have I?"

"Not happening." She yelped as he took her hand and threw her onto the bed. His weight was down on her, his hands snaking under her sweatshirt. She allowed him to kiss her, but as he went to undress her, she wiggled out from under him, "Did you not here me?"

"It's your parents, so what?" He wrapped his arms around her waist, tugging her up against his chest while pressing a kiss behind her ear, "I won't see you for a long time…"

She was pressed against the sheets and pillows, her sweatshirt discarded before he kissed her. She brought his hands to her breasts, uncovered since she had no time to put on her bra. His hands were cold, but her body was so on fire that she needed him to cool her down. Her arms encompassed his waist as she pulled herself further up against him, wanting the world to wait just a little longer before she had to return to reality.

"Jane! Jane!"

She broke her kiss with Kimbley, but he still continued to trek over her skin. She wrestled underneath him while her mother knocked and knocked on the door, shouting her name each time she failed to get a response. Jane buckled underneath Kimbley, his erection digging between her thighs while she moaned his name. Hearing the doorknob turn, she gasped until Kimbley's mouth enveloped hers and she was silenced by his ravishing tongue.

If she could have picked a day to die, it would have been that moment. She glanced over Kimbley's shoulder at her mother, who was wide eyed with her mouth agape. This must have looked great. She was half naked, as was Kimbley…He was lying overtop her, pressed between her legs…Fuck. Jane gave Kimbley a glare, but he was trying too hard to stifle his laughter. Wiggling out from under him, she threw her sweatshirt on while thinking up a logical response to the situation.

"Um…Mom…" Jane hopped off her bed and retied her hair into a bun, "…there isn't much of an explanation here."

Kimbley stood next to Jane, wrapping an arm around her hips, which she quickly slapped away.

Her mother was wide eyed still, "Who is this?"

"No one!" Jane shouted before Kimbley could answer. She gave him a glare while her face turned a dark shade of red, "Can we talk about this later?"

"No, we can't, Missy." Her mother set her hands on her hips while turning her ice cold stare to Kimbley, who actually flinched, "Who are you?"

He swept into a bow, "Solf J. Kimbley. Jane and I are-"

"-are old acquaintances," Jane interrupted.

"I wouldn't say acquaintances," her mother retorted.

"I'll explain things later, Mom." Jane ushered her towards the door, dismissing her downstairs before rushing back in and locking it. She gave Kimbley a glare while he retrieved his shirt and leisurely began to button it, "For a moment, I thought you were a gentleman."

"Was that before or after the sex?" he chuckled.

"Before." Jane strolled over to him and took his hands, keeping him from finishing dressing, "I need you to leave."

"I know, I know…" He hooked her arms around his neck while resting his forehead against hers, "Does this make me a gentleman again?"

Jane kissed him, smiling as their lips parted, "I think so."

Jane walked downstairs, hearing her mother wailing to her father about what she saw. Ushering Kimbley out the door, she picked up the bouquet of roses he had given her, sighing with relief that they weren't damaged. She searched for a vase in her kitchen all the while her mother watched her and waited impatiently for an explanation.

But her father spoke first, "Was the sex good?"

Jane burst out laughing, nearly dropping her flowers, "I certainly needed it."

"John!" Her mother smacked him on the shoulder, "That is no way to handle this situation!"

"Sarah, she's twenty seven years old. She's been an adult for awhile."

Jane smiled widely, thankful for her father's understanding. Of course, it was all well and fine until they realized just who Kimbley was.

"That is beside the point! Do you realize who that man is?"

Well, fuck. That didn't take long…

John lifted his brow, glancing over at Jane, "What is his name?"

"Solf J. Kimbley," Jane whispered.

"The Red Lotus Alchemist." John sat down at the table, his brow furrowing, "He was arrested for murdering his commanding officers after the Ishbalan War. So, what's your story with him?"

"I fell in love, Dad." Jane stared out the window above her kitchen sink, "I hadn't meant to."

_Finally, back in Central. She stood at the bus stop, her sun hat tipped over her eyes while the skirt of her white dress clung to her thighs with each gentle twist of the breeze. She was glad to be on her way home, and if she wasn't so exhausted from the war, she would have walked. Digging a few coins from her purse, she waited patiently for the bus to arrive, but things seemed so much slower. She sat down on the small wooden bench with her bag on the ground at her swinging feet._

_She wiggled her toes in her heels, biting at the insides of her mouth. She wanted to get to her house soon, and she was beginning to think that walking would be her best option. Glancing down the side of the road, she saw no sign of the bus. She felt her palm grow clammy from clutching her coins in her hand, but she continued to hold them tightly. It reminded her of holding the hand of a dying soldier, never letting up her grip until-_

_Shaking her head, she saw the bus roll down the street. She stood with a fluid grace that she didn't think was possible in her current condition. She paid the driver as he opened up his doors, stumbling with her bag to the back of the bus. When she nestled herself in her seat, she glanced out the window to find a man sitting on that wooden bench. His white fedora was shading his face, but it was his shoulders and posture that looked familiar. _

_The bus began rolling down the street, but before it got too far, she saw the man lift his head. Jumping to her feet, she shouted for the man to stop the bus. Swinging her bag over her shoulder, she bolted to the front of bus while he stopped just a block away from where he had picked her up. She burst onto the street, dropping her bag and kicking her shoes off. Her legs forgot their earlier exhaustion while she ran down to the man who had risen to his feet._

_She threw herself into his arms, her lips meeting his in a rush. She wasn't sure how many times she had kissed him, but he didn't seem to mind as he swept her up into his arms and held her in a dip, her hat tumbling off to flutter down the sidewalk. _

_"You meant it, didn't you?" Jane whispered._

_Kimbley tapped her in the nose, "There are a few things that I don't lie about."_

_When Jane was set upright, she took his hand and led him down the street so that she could retrieve her things, "You'll need to meet my parents! They'll surely like you. I have room in my house, too! You'll like it there; it's small, but comfortable." She slid into her shoes, but when she turned around, Kimbley was standing with four soldiers flanking him, guns pointed, "Solf, what's this?"_

_Kimbley knelt to the ground, picking up her sun hat that the wind had blown at his feet. He dusted it off and tried to take a step toward her, but the two more soldiers blocked his path, "I'm in a little trouble, Babe."_

_Jane's brow was furrowed and her eyes were welling with tears, "What have you done?" She pushed through the two men in front of her, throwing her arms around his waist and burying her face in his chest, "You promised me that-"_

_"It won't be for too long." He brushed a strand of hair from her eyes, taking a moment to stroke her cheek, "Just promise me that you'll think of me while I'm gone."_

_He set her hat on her head before giving her a tiny kiss. When Jane went to kiss him again, he was yanked out of her arms and handcuffed. She watched the soldiers drag him down the street, their guns pressed to his back. Her heart hurt so bad that she wanted to just collapse, her ankles shaking to hold her up in her heels. What had he done?_

_'He lied to me.'_

"War did a lot to me." Jane sat down beside her father and took his hand, "I might not always make the best decisions, but I'm learning-"

"Obviously not quick enough," Sarah huffed.

"Is Colonel Mustang still coming over? Or are we to expect Kimbley?" John asked.

Jane shrugged, "I hope Roy still intends on coming over."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sarah retorted.

"We had a _disagreement_."


	6. Where Are You Christmas?

**ok! i apologize for not updating in sooo long! :( but here's a chapter for you! i'm going to try to update more often...**

**hope you like it. this is sorta my precursor to the beef of this story. :)**

**enjoy!**

**-TSA**

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><p>Chapter 6: Where Are You Christmas?<p>

Her red roses were marvelously blooming. Each petal was full and a bright red, the light from her window giving them an enchanting glow. She fidgeted with her diamond earrings while meandering around her room in her bra and underwear. She was finding herself more comfortable with herself after her sex escapade. Laughing, she glanced into the mirror that was clearing from the fog from her steamy shower. The face that stared back at her looked more than familiar.

She was back to being Jane Avery. She felt pretty and young, all the shades of her happiness dancing in complexion. Fingers running through her hair, she closed her eyes to imagine the sweet sinful kisses that Kimbley would press against her neck. As soon as goose-bumps began to crawl up her skin, she shook herself from her daze while yelling erupted from downstairs.

"There's someone at the door, Jane!"

"Can't you answer it?"

"I'm stuffing the turkey!"

"Dad!"

"I got it!"

Jane ran her comb through her hair a few more times before strolling into her bedroom to retrieve her long sleeved black dress that she bought last year. Sliding into it, she heard a commotion downstairs then her mother wailing a welcome. She wasn't sure who was there, but she had a hunch. She brushed rouge on her cheeks and glossed her lips, meandering out of her room. She caught her breath in her chest as she stared at the bottom of the staircase where Roy was standing.

He was dashing, as usual. She could expect nothing less from him, especially when he was looking to impress. Leaning in the stairway, she felt a blush in her cheeks that were already a light scarlet. His hands were in his pockets and he stared up at her with a gentle gaze that she remembered from the instances of the Ishbalan War. Those memories weren't happy, but they told the stories of every soldier in the line of duty.

"Merry Christmas, Jane."

She smiled while walking down to him, dismissing her mother and father with a giggling glance. She gave his red tie a tug, pulling him closer, "Merry Christmas, Roy."

He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a velvet box that fit perfectly in his palm, "You're mother is going to have to be the judge of this."

Jane gratefully took the box from him, opening it slowly. Just the glint of the emeralds made her giggle, though she tried to hide the twinkle in her eye. Pulling out the gold chain, she dangled the emerald heart in front of her face, the twirl reflecting in her eyes, "Dear God, Roy…This is gorgeous." She gave him a wink while holding it out to him, "Am I to put it on myself?"

She turned her back, pulling her hair over one shoulder. She sighed when his fingers brushed across her shoulders while he strung the chain around her neck. Pressing her hand to the emerald studded heart while turning around and facing him, she found herself with her cheeks flushed and her smile engulfing her face. When he took a step toward her, she felt her heart sink in her chest. Bowing her head, she kept her smile, though Roy knew that now wasn't the time for romantic endeavors.

_Where are you Christmas? Why can't I find you? Why have you gone away? Where is the laughter? You used to bring me? Why can't I hear music play?_

"I'm so glad you're here," she murmured.

"Our disagreement made me feel lousy," he replied while rubbing the back of his neck.

"Why don't we go show my mother this necklace and maybe you can stay for dinner?"

She gave him a wink; linking her arm with his while they strolled into the kitchen. Her mother was fussing over her apple pie, which smelt delectable, but she was immediately distracted as she saw Jane and Roy exchange an affectionate glance. The music from Jane's radio was blaring swinging tunes, but the only one in her mind was the one that reminded her that someone close to her was gone.

"What do you say to a little dancing while the turkey's cooking?" her father asked.

Jane laughed as he grabbed her mother and spun her around. She glanced at Roy, who bit his at the insides of his mouth. She knew he was a good dancer, but the notion that her parents would be watching them was making the atmosphere muggy. Taking his hand, she yanked him into the living room where her parents were already dancing. Hands around his neck, his hands on her hips, she welcomed the heat of his body while swaying to the soft tune that hummed through her house.

'_My world is changing. I'm rearranging. Does that mean Christmas changes too?'_

No matter how beautiful the evening looked, no mattered the smiles from her mother and father, no matter the comfort of Roy's embrace, something was just not right. She smiled as best she could, resting her head on Roy's chest. His heart beat was a mesmerizing sound, but it didn't beat the same way Kimbley's did. Spinning out of Roy's arms then tucked securely against him, she saw her parents giving her a leering eye. Her face beamed red as the music stopped playing, a commercial ruining her tranquility.

She stared up at Roy, finding his face as deep a red as hers. Laughing a little, she stepped away from him and wandered off into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of red wine, a favorable drink of hers. She leaned against the counter, hand pressed to the gems of the necklace Roy had given her. She delicately sipped on her drink while trying to displace the feeling of her stomach dropping. When Roy strolled up beside her, she gave him a cheery smile.

"I have a card for you, by the way." He tugged it out of his jacket, "The Elrics wanted me to give it to you since they left for Resembool."

_'Where are you Christmas. Do you remember. The one you used to know. I'm not the same one. See what the time's done. Is that why you have let me go.'_

Jane eagerly accepted the envelope, opening it quickly to find a beautiful card with reindeer on the front. She opened the card and a smaller envelope fell out. Brow furrowing, she picked it up off the floor and stared at the cursive writing of her name and felt her body go rigid. She bit her lip and began walking toward the staircase, drink in hand as she fiddled with the envelope. Step by step, she wandered up into her bedroom, the letter revealed from its encasing.

_Jane,_

_Funny, I've never considered myself to be one that cares about anything on holidays. I don't get attached to emotions often. But…times change and people with them. I've changed and so have you. So, this Christmas, I'm spending my time wandering the mountainside (the sight of all the snow is beautiful). I would send you a picture, but I have very few possessions with me. What I'm doing is certainly dangerous, but when have you known me to do something safe?_

_The cold never used to bother me (Damn the changes I've made). For some reason, through all my trekking, I find my body rigid and frostbitten. Not even the sun is enough to cast a shred of warmth onto me. But when I lose myself to the swells of emotions I never thought existed, I find myself thinking of you. You requested that I let you know when such an occurrence happens. By now, you should have received thousands of letters courtesy of my thoughts dedicated to you._

_Of course, I am unable to communicate so closely with you. While Bradley has given me several freedoms, I still can't send letters or call you. The rest of the military still has me on watch. Fortunate for me, I encountered those Elric Brothers again and they were willing to give this letter to you under one condition. But I'll spare you that explanation. _

_But those are all meaningless things. As I write this letter, I am on a train headed to nowhere. Convenient? Trains suck, mind you. The tracks are never smooth and my pen is bouncing on and off the page. I apologize if you can't identify my words. _

_Merry Christmas, Janie. Distances have always made things difficult and I hope that my letter doesn't dampen your holiday spirit. You were always so cheerful even in the darkest of times, and that I envy you for. Being so far away hurts, more than I would have thought, considering I've never been emotionally attached to much of anything. Funny, how I realize what I have become attached to when she's no longer in my arms. _

_Best of wishes to you. Keep me in a prayer- I'm going to need all the help I can get. I shan't be gone for too long, at least, that is the intention. _

_Love, Solf_

There was a smile, though one wouldn't be able to detect it right away with all the tears that flooded down her cheeks. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and took a large gulp from her glass of wine. The liquid caught in her throat and she coughed violently, shaking from the loss of tension in her muscles. Letter fluttering to her feet, she furiously tried to compose herself, but each attempt was met by failure. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, embarrassed by the tears that still trickled from her eyes.

_'Christmas is here. Everywhere, oh. Christmas is here. If you care, oh.'_

She finished off her glass and picked up the letter on the floor. A couple tears fell against the paper, a tiny laugh escaping her at how he kept his little promise. Setting the letter onto her nightstand, she tried her best to compose herself before strolling downstairs. But that would take longer than she assumed. Mascara running down her cheeks, she smiled at his letter, wishing more than anything on Earth to have him here right now.

She was shaking. Her limbs were weak, lost to memories of love and hate. He was a sinful man, deserving of his punishment in prison, but there was so much to him that no one knew. He was a gentleman in a thousand different ways. She was beginning to miss that stupid smirk on his lips and the tilt of his fedora over his eyes. Her thoughts were soon interrupted by the creaking of her door.

"You alright, Jane?"

She smiled as her father walked in, his eyes glossed with concern, "Solf sent me a letter. H-He m-misses…" She wiped her eyes, "…me."

Her father sat down on the edge of her bed, "I'll never forget that one letter you sent home before the war ended." He smiled as Jane sat next to him, head on his shoulder, "Every other paragraph was about this 'man' you met. I never let your mother read that letter." He laughed to himself, "Because I knew all too well about the Red Lotus Alchemist."

"How can I love someone like him?" Jane muttered.

Her father gave her a tight hug, "Because you've always been the person who finds the light in darkness. You're never satisfied with not understanding people."

_'If there is love in your heart and your mind, you will feel like Christmas all the time.'_

"It's not like I could ever marry him…"

"It would certainly take some forgiving to make that happen." He kissed her forehead, "But since when have you worried about settling down? So, maybe, you spend the next few years running around with him until you find a place that won't close its gates to you? When something is supposed to happen, it always will."

_'I feel you Christmas. I know I've found you. You never fade away. The joy of Christmas stays here in silence, fills each and every heart with love.'_

Jane smiled while wiping away the last runaway tear. She was welcomed into one more hug and she knew things were decided. Her path was about to veer off into the ice and snow. Walking into the bathroom, she fixed her makeup before linking her arm with her father's and walking downstairs. Her mother was talking with Roy, the music on the radio blaring loudly with a hopping tune. How fitting for what she was about to say.

"Mother." She stopped on the last step of the staircase, "Father." She smiled as he patted her hand, "I've decided that I will be transferring to Briggs by the end of this week."

_'Where are you Christmas? Fills your heart with love.'_

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><p><strong>YAY! chapter over...<strong>

**you'll get to know her mother and roy's reaction next chapter. :) so! we are heading to Briggs and you all know what happened on that part of Ed and Al's journey... :) **

**awww...Janie loves Kimbley... for now at least. ;)**

**reviews are welcome!**

**-TSA**


	7. Blackbird

**HEY! so... here is my update! i actually was surprised at how fast i got it finished. hope that doesn't take away from the quality of it. :)**

**reviews are always welcome! and thanks everyone for the faves and alerts and reviews already!**

**-TSA**

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><p>Chapter 7: Blackbird<p>

He hated it. Actually, he more than hated it, though he couldn't think of the word for that. But now was hardly the time to dwell on such a thing as he stood at the train station with Jane bundled up next to him. They'd hardly spoken about it since she announced her transfer, but it didn't even take the rest of the week to get confirmation. That worried him. There was barely any time left for him to protest her decision, despite that he was her superior officer. He felt he owed her the right to her own decisions.

_"You're doing-WHAT?"_

_"Mom, this is my choice."_

_"Why on EARTH would you transfer to Briggs?"_

_Jane stepped away from her father, taking her mother's hands, "There's something I need to do. I can't explain all of it, but I'm begging you to trust me."_

_Her mother was fighting back tears, "But who's going to take care of the house?"_

_"I'll worry about that tomorrow-"_

_"Why are you leaving, Jane?"_

_She turned around, trying her best to smile at Roy. But the way his eyes were cast to the floor made her stomach drop. She shuffled closer to him and gently lifted his chin up, but he wouldn't look at her, "You'd hate me if I told you."_

_"As your superior officer, I need your reasoning before I send in your request."_

_Jane sighed, "Tell them I'm hunting down The Red Lotus Alchemist." _

Hunting down…Roy stifled a laugh at her naivety. What did she expect to find? He shook his head, not wanting to believe that this had anything to do with her supposed affections for Kimbley. Though he knew that to be truth, he was fighting himself with accepting it. Glancing down at her when her head hit his shoulder and knees tucked to her chest, he gently pressed a kiss to her forehead while wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

She was peaceful, to say the least. But judging by the way she was shaking, he knew she was nervous as well.

"Promise me something, Jane."

She looked up at him, her serene smile crossing her lips, "Anything."

"Promise me that if what you find isn't what you truly want, you won't try to force it to be."

Her brow furrowed, but her words were halted at the sound of the train rolling in. Rising to her feet, jackets strung over an arm and suitcases held in both hands, she walked closer to the edge of the tracks, waiting for when the door would roll in front of her and she'd have little choice but to climb aboard. When she glanced to her left, she saw Roy standing there, the fire of his eyes no longer burning. She wasn't sure if it was sadness or disappointment, but all she did know was that it left a pit in her stomach.

"Please be careful," he whispered.

She nodded her head as the train rolled to a stop and the doors were opened. She stepped aboard and handed the man her ticket, but she soon felt Roy tug at her sleeve. She turned around; staring down at him as his hand slowly took hers. When he stood up on his toes, she jumped down from the platform and threw her arms around his neck. She wasn't sure at what point he kissed her, but it made her melt. She held him as tight as humanly possible until the man who took her tickets shouted for everyone to board.

She rushed back onto the train, staring at Roy even as it began to move. His figure soon became nothing but a speck of black and she felt her heart drop. She was ushered into a seat, lucky that her military status gave her one to herself. Staring out the window, she found the world slowly slipping away from her. Briggs, a winter tundra that offered little comfort, but maybe she needed to be less emotional in her job. Major General Armstrong would certainly not be the kind of commanding officer Roy was…

. . . .

It was late in the night and she was still on the train trekking through the mountainside. The snow trickling down from the sky made her think about Kimbley's letter, which was stowed away in her pocket. Knees tucked to her chest and jacket laid over herself like a blanket, her eyelids grew heavy. She began humming quietly, trying not to think about how much she missed Central within the hours that she left. But it certainly wasn't very comforting to be the only one left on the train.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly._

But sweet serenity was soon shattered.

The train lurched forward, rocking side to side. Jane was sent flying out of her seat and into the aisle, the train deciding to halt itself. Scrambling to her feet, she tugged her gloves from her pocket, the letter falling out onto the wooden floors, though she didn't notice. Rushing over to the nearest door, she peeked her head outside to see that the last boxcars were rolling away from them, separated by what looked to be an explosion from the smoke clouding in the air.

Brow furrowed, she followed the train crew out through the mounds of snow, hearing whispers and gasps. When she finally managed to wade her way through the snow, she pushed through the crowding men to get a look at what had separated the boxcars. And all she wanted to do was scream when she saw Kimbley sitting down with his hand covering the gaping hole that had been punctured through him. His hands were stained with blood that was spreading faster through the fabric of his white suit.

She shouted orders to the train crew, though she couldn't remember all of them. But Kimbley was soon carried to where she had been sitting and the train was rolling again. She helped him wrestle out of his jacket and shirt, trying not to gasp at the wound. It wasn't like she hadn't ever seen something like it before…

_All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arise._

"What were you doing?" she muttered.

Kimbley weakly sat up while she prodded at his gash, "I'm sure that's none of your business."

Her eyes were cast to the floor and she was biting at the insides of her mouth, "Oh…"

"Damn it, Janie." He growled while she pressed her white gloved hands over his wound, "I can't tell you everything!"

She sighed, watching the wound seal itself, "I know…" She tugged one glove off so she could tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, "Just thought you'd be happy to see me…"

"I'm not happy to see you when you're putting yourself in danger! I can't be responsible for what happens to you!" He shook his head, "It's not safe here, Janie. You can't keep trying to save me from everything."

She nodded her head while slipping her other glove off her hand and setting them next to Kimbley. She shuffled off into the next passenger car, needing a moment to collect herself. Slumping into a seat to stare out the window, she felt the stinging of tears in her eyes. Why did she continually let herself become so vulnerable? Furiously wiping away a runaway tear, she heard footsteps down the aisle. When she rose to her feet, she saw Kimbley staring down at her.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see._

"I see you've refrained from putting a shirt on," she laughed.

He gave a tiny chuckle, "Not sure I want to put the bloody one back on."

She blushed as he pulled her out of her seat, drawing her tightly into his arms. Hands braced against his chest, she stared up into those amber eyes that were fighting to put the words together for a proper apology. But she didn't need words right now. Standing up on her toes, she gently pressed her lips against his, drowning herself in the sweetness of a longed kissed. His arms encompassed her waist and she felt so tiny in his embrace.

But their bliss was thwarted when the train rolled to stop. Jane faltered a step, but Kimbley held her steady while staring out the window. It was a small mining town by the looks of it. He followed her back into the other passenger car and collected her things, watching as Kimbley shrugged into his bloody clothes. They made their way outside, drawing the eye of the train crew, who told them that Briggs Fortress was a good few miles north still, but no trains could get through there.

So that meant she'd need to walk or find a driver to get her through the snow paths.

Jane decided her best course of action was to spend the night in the local inn and make her way to Briggs in the morning. With Kimbley trailing behind her, she opened the door to their room and threw her things inside. Kimbley was quick to discard his jacket and shirt, falling down on the bed with a 'thud'. She was laughing as quietly as possible while she curled up beside him. _All your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free._

"I'm insisting that you return to Central," he muttered.

Jane rolled her eyes, "I can't now."

Kimbley sat up, glaring at her, "You're not safe here."

"I'm more than able to take care of myself. I've at least proven that!"

"Jane." He hated the idea of telling her what was going on, "I'm hunting down the Ishbalan that has killed off State Alchemists. If he finds you, I can't say what will happen. You know what you did to the Ishbalans during the war, and he's no forgiving fellow. You've practically played into his hands-"

"I doubt he's been searching for me." She turned her back to Kimbley, hugging herself, "If he had been, I'd have been killed months ago."

_Blackbird fly, blackbird fly, into the light of the dark black night._

There was a moment of silence that passed and it killed her to think that there was nothing more to say. She rose to her feet and shuffled into the bathroom, closing the door before she turned on the shower. Discarding her military uniform, she welcomed the chill of the small room that was slowly swept away by the steam rising from the hot water. She stepped into the shower and felt goose bumps crawl over her skin, though they were smoothed when her body grew familiar with the scalding temperature.

But the water was nowhere near as scalding as his lips pressing to her shoulder blades.

She froze, body going rigid, though that only lasted a few seconds. Collapsing against him, she closed her eyes as his lips trailed along her neck, working under her jaw. Her skin burned, aching for his hands to ravage her in his zealous passions, but he was taking his time to muse on each twitch of her muscles. Why it had to be like that, she'd never know.

"I don't want to seem unfair, Janie."

"Why is it fair that I love you, yet we can't ever be together?"

She released herself from his languid embrace and glanced at him. His hair was untied, falling against his shoulders, water trickling down each lean muscle of his figure. She blushed when he stepped closer to her and brought her back against himself, forehead pressed to hers. _Blackbird fly, blackbird fly, into the light of the dark black night._

"Who says we can't be together?"

She gave him a quick kiss, "The rest of the world."

"Gotcha…" He tangled his fingers in her hair, "Guess I screwed things up."

"You could certainly say that." She welcomed his lips, warm and soft, which seemed an impossible feat when trudging through the mountains, "If we can't be together then I want to have one moment that will last forever."

Kimbley chuckled, "Hate to say it, Babe, but I'm not sure that this would be the moment to remember."

"I know."

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly._

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><p><strong>hope you liked it! i am adoring Kimbley at the moment. he is concerned, he's just not always the best at telling Janie how he feels. :) EVEN BETTER! you can only guess who will be making an appearance in the future... SCAR! <strong>

**roy's sorta out of the picture for awhile... sorry! But it sounds to me like JanexKimbley is much more appreciated. lol. **

**until next time!**

**-TSA**


	8. It's My Life

**OH LORDY! an update? didn't see that coming, did ya! well, here is an update and i hope that there are people who will pick up on reading this again like i picked up writing it.**

**Please enjoy! I got back into the swing of things and know where i'm taking this story once again.**

**I apologize for making you wait so long...**

**Disclaimer: don't own FMA. The song is It's My Life by No Doubt. I thought it was fitting**

**-TSA**

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><p>Chapter 8: It's My Life<p>

One moment that will last forever… Well, at least he admitted that this one wouldn't be it. Staring at the empty ceiling, lying in the empty bed, contemplating her practically empty existence, she felt, well, empty. How else was she supposed to feel? _It's funny how I find myself in love with you._ Maybe she could be grateful for not having to confront him one last time before she left for Briggs? But as she kept her eyes so intently focused on the ceiling, she found that it really didn't make her feel much better.

Rolling out of bed, she reached over the side of the bed to pick up her suitcase, hauling it up onto her lap. She rifled through what few possessions she brought with her and yanked out her military uniform. Guess it was time to start playing her role… She climbed out of bed and began undressing. It would be an understatement to say that the room was cold. Her body felt so exposed, so dirty, but she didn't really have time to worry about another shower. _If I could buy my reasoning, I'd pay to lose._ She needed to find a way to Briggs. No trains went that far north and she doubted she was going to find someone who would be willing to drive her.

Dressed in her full Amestrian military uniform, collar buttoned to the top of her neck, she picked up her peaked cap, something she hadn't often worn. But there was a look of authority to it. Hair trailing down her back in subtle waves, she jammed the cap onto her head. Alchemy gloves on her hands and white scarf wrapped around her neck, she collected up her things and made her way out of the room, out of the inn, and into the snow covered streets where she needed to find transportation.

_One half won't do._

As she flagged down people for a ride or possibly a map, she began kicking herself for not asking Major General Armstrong to send an escort to collect her. That damned woman…She was starting to wonder why the fuck she was going to serve under her. Of course, it would have been easier to know she had arrived if she had made if to North City. Plopping down on a bench after she brushed the snow off it, she buried her face in her hands. What was she doing? She had deliberately traveled north to find Kimbley when she should have known he had no plans on sticking around. Such a sick game she was letting herself fall into. _I've asked myself – How much do you commit yourself?_ Picking up her head, she narrowed her eyes on the alley ahead of her. If she wasn't going mental, then she was sure that someone or something was moving.

Curiosity wasn't something she felt she surrendered to often, so maybe finding out what was going on would help pass the time. _It's my life! Don't you forget!_ Leaving her suitcase by the bench, she made her way into the alleyway, eyes keen to take in everything around her. _It's my life! It never ends! (It never ends...) _Just a bunch of snow on brick buildings, icicles on the roof, but nothing terribly suspicious… Shrugging, she turned to walk out, but was knocked off her feet into the snow by a punch to her chest.

The wind was knocked out of her, and judging by the pain in her breastbone, she began to think that it was possibly broken. Whoever had the strength to hit like that was no woman, and it brought the frightening realization that she was facing something that would easily kill her. Eyes turning upward, she gasped, coughing as she couldn't draw in a substantial breath. Those red eyes, the tanned complexion, and the look of utter loathing on his face-

This was who Kimbley was talking about.

_Funny how I blind myself…_

Seizing her gun from its holster on her thigh, she held it up in front of herself, though she knew better than to think that a measly bullet would subdue him before he killed her. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to start thinking through her plans before she moved on impulses? She swallowed slowly, her breathing regulating as he continued to loom over her, but his eyes were fixated on her gloves. _I never knew if I was sometimes played upon._

"You served in Ishbal?"

The question seemed so foolhardy, but she doubted it was much of question, but more of a declaration of why he was going to kill her, "Yes."

"Those gloves…" He caught her stare and she felt her heart stop at the pain and agony behind those eyes, "You took my people for your experiments."

"I did, but with regret."

"I can offer you atonement." He reached his hand out to her, but she knew better than to accept his gesture.

"Blowing my insides to pieces isn't my idea of atonement." She fired a warning shot over his shoulder, just barely clipping his skin, "Get out of my way or the next bullet goes through your head."

"Why did you do it?"

Jane closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the tears build up in her eyes. _Afraid to lose._ Kimbley couldn't have been more right. Blood just doesn't wash off that easily, "Because I thought I was doing what was right. But so did everyone else who served. There isn't a night that goes by when I don't pray that He'll forgive me."

"God doesn't answer to murders-"

"Then you can join me in hell!"

He nodded his head as she returned her gun to her hostler, rising to her feet "If you talk of bringing me to hell, then why stand down?"

_Oh, I'd tell myself – What good do you do? _She grinned, "Because my ex-boyfriend is a psychopath and he kind of rubs off on me from time to time…" She gave a hollow laugh, "The name of the game is survival of the fittest. That's how the world goes round. Looks like I was unable to outlast the best of them."

This seemed to puzzle him, "Maybe you are best left to repent with your life…?"

"Either way, you and I will be prolonging our meeting in hell." She crossed her arms over her chest while he stared her down, "If you think killing all of us State Alchemists offers us penance, then you're wrong. There are enough people who find punishment in simply living with the memories of what we did. Besides, who died and made you God? Who told you that you have the right to give or take life?"

"I was going to ask you the same question." He took a step toward her, but she didn't flinch, "What gave you the right to destroy my people?"

Jane shrugged, "In the military, the name of our God is Fuhrer King Bradley, and when he's who gives you the orders, we are hard-pressed to follow them."

He seized her by the neck, slamming her into the wall. She kicked and squirmed for a few moments, before just hanging there to accept what was to become of her. Their eyes met – a look of torture and a look of forfeit. _Convince myself._ She carefully pushed up the sleeve of his jacket, staring at the tattoo along his arm, a tattoo of the alchemist symbols for destruction. But there was something else amidst the cipher that she didn't recognize.

"Give me a reason why I shouldn't kill you…" he hissed.

"Because if you'd really wanted to, you'd have done it ten minutes ago."

She was slowly released once he set her back on her feet. Kneeling to the ground, she picked up her peaked cap, which had been knocked off her head when he punched her. _Oh, it's my life! Don't you forget!_ When she rose to her feet, she noticed the blood on his tunic. Curse her for being concerned, but she couldn't help reaching out to press her fingertips to the spot. The wound was certainly fresh, faint lines of blood staining her gloves. _Oh, it's my life! It never ends! (It never ends...)_Looking up at him, she waited for a reaction of some kind.

"Whether you believe me or not, I was a doctor during the Ishbal War. If you just let me-"

"I don't want your help."

Jane set her hands on her hips, "Fine. But I hope you realize that no matter the hatred that drives you, you aren't helping your cause." He gave her a quizzical glare, "Think about it. This never ending cycle of hate and vengeance, it only brings about the death of more people. It's going to take someone to step down from their pride and accept that this war, this bloodshed, is just a part of our history. But instead of letting it repeat itself, end it. Start a new chapter, one of forgiveness and reconstruction."

"You talk as though it's so easy. Do you not admit that you hold a similar anger for me for having killed your fellow State Alchemists?"

"Truthfully?" She shrugged, "I don't think you killed anyone that I was particularly close with. So, no." She couldn't help laughing at his startled expression, "And just in case the thought didn't cross your mind, I could have killed you the moment I touched your arm."

"And how is that?"

"I know the composition of the human body so incredibly well, that I can manipulate the insides of your body like the flow of blood, the beating of your heart, I can rearrange your organs too." He grunted in disbelief, "Would you like me to demonstrate?"

"If you thought I'd accept your gesture to help me, I'm severely reconsidering it."

"Keeping what I said in mind, I can also heal you with ease." She gave a thoughtful sigh, "That was my true calling when I enlisted…"

"But you proved to be a killer regardless. I have no pity for you."

She was grinning again, "That's because we're a lot alike in that sense."

"You shed innocent blood for your experiments-"

"I must admit, you know your fair share about me." _And I've asked myself – How much do you commit yourself? _She crossed her arms over her chest, "And part of me wonders if this has to do with my psychopathic ex-boyfriend…"

He hesitated replying to her, but she didn't know the reason for it, "The man in the white suit?" She nodded, "He spoke of your situation, but I had seen you during the war. You wandered the frontline at one point, taking civilians with who were injured. My kinsmen spoke of what you did to them."

"I'm sure they did…" She swallowed back her tears, "It wasn't exactly a secret that we tortured them or killed them for our own purposes-"

"To make a forbidden stone."

She nodded, "But, please, a little honesty wouldn't hurt us since we're not in the compromising position of trying to kill each other. So tell me, did Kimbley tell you to eliminate me?"

"It wasn't a request that I didn't already have in mind."

He snatched her throat again, but her hands clamped down on his wrist and blood began to froth from his lips. He sputtered, blood staining the white snow as he released her and crumbled to the ground. He instinctively brought his hand to the gash on his side, feeling it break open further. _Oh, it's my life! Don't you forget! _As his head hit the ground, he felt a gentle touch against his chest and he was shaken from his lapse of agony to feel that his waist was healed of the wound. Staring up at her, he saw her wiping her gloves off in the snow. To his surprise, they cleaned quite easily.

"I don't know how your people view this thing, but I saved your life so you owe me." She smiled down at him, offering her hand. _Caught in the crowd! It never ends! (It's my life)_ He scowled at her, "I won't do it again if you don't try to kill me."

"Why did you heal me?"

"Because having you alive means you can attest that Kimbley is trying to have me killed." She shrugged, "Besides, if I killed you, then I'd be going back on what I said earlier."

At least that brought a smirk to his face, "Maybe you aren't worth killing…?"

She wrinkled her nose, "I'll try to take that as a compliment-"

"Lieutenant Colonel!"

Her eyes widened and she hit the ground as soon as a gunshot was fired. She wasn't sure if it hit the Ishbalan, but he fled before she could stand. Dusting off her uniform and retrieving her hat once more, she glanced over her shoulder to see a couple men standing at the end of alleyway, one holding her suitcase. _Oh, it's my life! Don't you forget!_ She meandered over to them; hand on her gun, waiting to see what their next move was, "Name and rank, Soldiers."

"Second Lieutenant Henschel, Ma'am." The man holding the gun stepped forward, offering her a salute.

The second man as he appeared made Jane grimace. He was huge! "Captain Buccaneer, Ma'am. We were sent by Major General Armstrong."

"I thought that bitch had forgotten me." She was glad to see the two men laugh, "Let's not waste anymore daylight! On the move, Gentlemen!"

The ring in her voice brought a shiver down her spine. It was a nice feeling to be able to acknowledge her rank again. No more of the informalities from Central. _Caught in the crowd! It never ends!(It never ends)_ Maybe this was a good transition for her? But she couldn't help, as she slid into the car that Henschel was driving, thinking about how Kimbley had set her up. He had been given orders to eliminate her. But why bother dirtying his hands when he could have someone else kill her? Someone who was hunting her down to begin with…

She was shivering in the car by the time they reached the mountains of Briggs. Stepping out onto the snow covered road, teeth chattering, she stared up at the fortress before her. Metal walls, reinforced by gun posts, and standing hundreds of feet above her, it was as threatening as the general who commanded it. Suitcase in hand, she followed Captain Buccaneer inside, annoyed that it wasn't much warmer. Grumbling to herself about regretting her decision, she straightened out when she noticed that Buccaneer and Henschel weren't walking beside her anymore. Lifting a brow, she spun around quickly, hands clapping together to trap the blade that was jabbed at her. She grimaced while pressing her palms tightly together, glad that her gloves, and palms, were still in one piece. Of course, the philosopher's stone helped…

"Major General, what a pleasure to be reunited under your command," Jane seethed. _Oh, it's my life... (Oh, it's my life)_

Olivier grinned, "And here I thought that with all the time you spend fucking around with Kimbley, you'd have gotten rusty."

"Sex is a good stress reliever, you should try it sometime."

"There's no worthy man."

"Then I ask that you don't judge my hobbies."

Jane released her hold on Olivier's sword when the general gave a harsh laugh. She couldn't help a grin when Olivier clapped her on the back.

"That mouth of yours has hardly changed, Lieutenant Colonel. I'm pleased that you accepted my proposal to move out here. But I have to ask, why didn't you make it to North City?"

True, that had been her destination so the journey to Briggs could have been quicker, but she hadn't even considered trying to explain that to her superior officer, "I had a minor altercation. Nothing of the serious nature-"

"You've never been a good liar, so you should quit while you're ahead."

_Don't you forget... (Don't you forget) _Jane rolled her eyes, "I stumbled upon Kimbley, who had destroyed the train I was on. This morning, I was stalled by an Ishbalan man, who had the intention of kill me."

"If you weren't a slightly valuable soldier, I'd have killed you myself." Jane smacked herself on the forehead. What was she thinking when she decided to return to this abuse? "Don't look so pathetic, Lieutenant Colonel. It's survival of the fittest out here, and you will be as good as dead if you don't toughen up."

As Jane went to stammer a reply, another soldier appeared from one of the corridors. Her brow furrowed at his tanned complexion and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. When he removed his glasses to clean them on his jacket, she drew her gun from her holster, but she was punched across the cheek before she could fire a bullet. _Caught in the crowd... (Caught in the crowd)_ Somersaulting across the icy floor, gun sliding out of her reach, she rubbed her swollen jaw while staring up at Olivier.

"How dare you draw a gun against my subordinate?" Oliver pointed her sword at her throat, "You are out of line, Lieutenant Colonel!"

Jane turned her gaze to the man, who was staring at her with those piercing red eyes, "Call it an impulse…"

The soldier walked over to her, extending a hand to help her stand much to Olivier's dismay, "I'm Major Miles. And, as you noticed, I have Ishbalan blood in my veins."

"You don't say…" She accepted his hand, forcefully yanked to her feet. She wasn't sure what it was, but meeting two Ishbalan men was stirring a pit in her stomach. There was something attractive that she couldn't place, "Well, seeing as you didn't try to kill me like the Ishbalan I met earlier, I guess we can be friends."

Miles lifted a brow, "You mean Scar?"

"That's a fitting name." _It never ends (it never ends...) _She removed her cap from her head, shaking out her hair, "The captain and second lieutenant here assisted in rescuing me." That certainly sounded better than trying to explain their conversation.

"I'm glad no harm came to you, Lieutenant Colonel."

"Are you flirting with me, Major?"

His face turned several shades of red, "Ma'am, I-I-!"

"Lieutenant Colonel!" Olivier sheathed her sword, agitated with their banter, "Why don't you accompany me and I will show you to your barracks."

Jane nodded, feeling that there was nothing she could say. Giving Miles a small smile, she picked up her suitcase, retrieved her gun, and followed after Olivier. Oh, the joys of the arctic… Opening the door to the room that Olivier stood by, she was pleased to find a big enough space so that she didn't feel like a prisoner while she was here. It was still relatively cold, but judging by the blankets stacked on the bed, Olivier knew she'd need some time to adjust.

"I would have thought that _you_, out of _anyone_, would know not to meddle in romance with a subordinate." Olivier gave her a glare, but Jane seemed passive to the insult, "After Kimbley-"

"You are the only person I ever spoke to about the whole situation. Your judgment is expected."

"Do yourself a favor and resume your duties as a soldier. I was more fond of you when _he_ wasn't involved."

Jane gave her a lazy salute, "I'm trying. Can't promise when it will be that I return to normal."

"Do it before I have you demoted." Olivier turned on her heel, "Or better yet, buried beneath my fortress."

The door closed tightly behind her, Jane threw her suitcase onto the bed. Walking over to the closet, she was glad to see a new uniform hung up there with a much warmer jacket lined with a fur collar. She was most likely going to find herself bundled up as she strolled about the fortress. She was hoping that it wouldn't take much longer before she could last in the harsh winters of Briggs. Olivier wasn't bound to be kind to her if she was carrying a blanket across her shoulders everywhere she went.

Unpacking her things, she picked up her small wooden box that she used to hide in her desk. She searched the room, deciding to stow it away in her nightstand drawer. So many possessions that were best kept hidden. There wasn't too much that she'd brought with her, since the weather up in the mountains took away most opportunities to look like a normal woman. Of course, with Olivier's reputation, it wouldn't matter what she wore for the men to be gracious for a _real_ woman's company.

She hung up her a shirts and pants, but there was something else on the bottom of her suitcase. Cradling the smooth material in her hands, she unraveled the long sleeve black dress, though it wasn't her one from home. It looked much more expensive and judging by the velvet texture, it was something that she herself would have never just bought. Glancing into her suitcase, she saw a note there and once she caught sight of the cursive handwriting she had made up her mind about the gift.

She was going to use it for target practice.

She cursed profoundly, wishing she had Roy's ability to start a fire with the snap of his fingers. Kimbley… He had no right to try to offer her this gift after he tried to have her killed! Throwing the dress on the floor, she couldn't help the tug of greed inside of her. Well, if the asshole was going to spend money on her then she might as well abuse it while she could. She picked it back up, deciding to hang it in the farthest corner of her closet, hoping that she'd just forget about it. That would be easy if everything around her didn't reek of his scent.

Covering her mouth, she breathed against her hand while squinting her eyes shut. It was becoming suffocating to the point that her head was spinning so fast that she thought she'd fall over. Purely seduction...the smell of musk on his jacket, vetiver on his hands, ginger laced around every word he spoke, but if she curled herself into him, searched for what it was that she loved, she could find that trace of jasmine, the one shred of innocent affection…

The tear that fled down her cheek brought her back to reality. Letting the droplet roll down her cheek, she released her arms from her hold on herself and sat down on the bed. This was going to be so much harder than she had imagined.

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><p><strong>ok! i hope you enjoyed it! In case any of you were worried about it, there will be an introduction to a NEW love triangle! if i haven't made it obvious, then i'd be shocked. haha. <strong>

**oh kimbley, you are still a jerk... welcome to the complications in dating a psychopath.**

**please review! i sorta want/need to know if people are still reading this. i won't continue it if people aren't...sorry**

**until next time! (which will be sooner rather than later)**

**-TSA**


	9. My Heart is Broken

**hello! thanks everyone for the fantastic reviews and alerts! that meant a lot to me! glad to know people were being patient with me!**

**i wrote a really long chapter...consider it a gift of appreciation! i hope you enjoy it! i had fun writing it...but i will say that it took me forever to find a song for it.**

**Disclaimer: don't own FMA or the song "My Heart is Broken" by Evanescance. **

**read and enjoy!**

**-TSA**

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><p>Chapter 9: My Heart is Broken<p>

"Lieutenant Colonel!"

Jane glanced over her shoulder as Olivier flagged her down from across the way. Dismissing herself from supervising the soldiers at the shooting range, she made her way over to her commanding officer, "Yes, Ma'am?"

"Am I to assume that you've gotten rusty?" Olivier chided.

Jane lifted a brow, "Ma'am?"

She grimaced as Olivier threw a rifle at her, barely catching it before the barrel bounced off her forehead. Standing with the gun in her hands, her brow furrowed and she tried to think on the last time she had used one. She had been fortunate enough to have not been enlisted as a sniper during Ishbal…

"I'd hate to think that your academy sharpshooting has gone to waste."

"You will be disappointed to know it has, Major General."

"Then start practicing."

Jane saluted Olivier as she turned on her heel and stormed from the shooting range. She continued to gaze at the rifle she held. It felt like forever had passed since she'd possessed such a weapon. She had been trained as a soldier before she became an alchemist. Choosing a secluded corridor, she laid down on the ground pressed the button beside her for the simulation to begin. It was back to the basics. Bullet after bullet was fired, and it took time for her shoulder to adjust to the recoil of the rifle. Finishing the first round, she glanced at the screen next to her, which read off her statistics. Her accuracy was well off its mark.

This was going to be a long day.

She had lost track of time, refusing to look at her watch, which was jammed into her back pocket. Her shoulder ached from the pressure of the rifle, a feeling she hadn't experienced in a long time. How fond she had been of her memories at the academy. She wasn't sure when the last time was that she'd thought back on those good times. That had been how she met Roy. He'd been too much to handle at first, but such a pleasant friend-

"Lieutenant Colonel?"

Sitting up, she set her rifle aside to stare up at Major Miles. His presence had become much appreciated during her first week here. He wasn't afraid to help her navigate the fortress or tell her how not to get killed by an icicle dropping from the ceiling, "I hope you haven't been sent by the Major General."

"That would seem to be the only circumstances in which we can talk," he replied.

"Touché…" Propping the rifle up against the wall, she held her hand out to him, grateful that he pulled her to her feet. She dusted off her uniform while following him from the shooting range, "So, how about be bypass formalities for a moment?"

That seemed to bring a smile to his face, "What is it that you propose?"

"I'm just curious about you is all. Since you're my subordinate, I suppose we should be more than just 'major' and 'lieutenant colonel'."

"I thought the Major General scolded you for your inter-squadron relationships?"

Jane narrowed her eyes on him, "I don't believe that conversation was supposed to be any of your business, Major."

"I thought we were bypassing formalities?" Noticing her displeased expression, he tried to stifle his laugh, "So, what are you curious about?"

"For starters, where you get your Ishbalan blood."

He grinned, "My paternal grandfather, though I'm only about one quarter Ishbalan."

"It sure runs strong in your veins." She blushed when he cast her a quick glance, his smile returning, "How do you not hate everyone you fight beside…?"

"The Major General won't let me." He sighed, as if recalling a memory, "She found my unique views from the eyes of several different ethnicities useful. She didn't give me the option to hate Amestrians."

"Let me guess…she told you she'd cut you to pieces if you wished to challenge her…?"

Miles couldn't help laughing, "Am I correct to assume that you've had a similar conversation with her?"

Jane shrugged, "You could say that…though it was over a much different matter."

"Seeing as we aren't worried about formalities, will you elaborate?"

"She told me that if I was going to continue to have such a crude affair with a psychopath, then I was to challenge her for my right to exist under her command."

"I don't know many psychopaths, but did this fellow have a name?"

Jane kept her eyes on the floor as they kept walking. She was convinced that by now majority of the military knew about her ridiculous endeavor. Such a loud situation, only because of the names they carried as alchemists, "Solf J. Kimbley…The Red Lotus Alchemist."

"A title fit for a psychopath…"

She shook her head, "Only he could see the beauty of killing people."

There conversation was left there as Miles gestured to the door to the automail mechanics' "shop". She walked in without a knock, first seeing the blonde hair of her commanding officer, then the golden hair of a familiar, temperamental State Alchemist –

"Edward Elric! What the fuck are you doing here?" she shouted.

He crossed his arms over his chest, scowling at her, "Nice to see you, too…"

Straightening out her uniform, she fixed a hard stare on him, "State your business out here." As he opened his mouth to protest, she silenced him with a raise of her hand, "That's an order from a commanding officer."

Edward sighed heavily, casting his eyes downward, "We're looking for a young girl who knows the arts of alkahestry."

"If I ask why, will I be disappointed?"

"It's nothing we haven't told you before."

Those big gold eyes gazed back at her, begging her to ask no more questions. Waving her hand dismissively, she set her hands on her hips while glancing at Olivier, "You requested my presence, Major General?"

Olivier leaned back in the chair she sat in, "I need clarification that these two misfits won't cause as much trouble here in my fortress as they have elsewhere."

"I can't guarantee that." Jane shifted her weight, "But they are practically family to me." She gave Olivier a glare, "Not that you would understand that, Major General…"

"Watch that mouth of yours before I cut it off myself." Olivier drew her sword for emphasis, holding it out in front of Jane's throat, "I am allowing these ruffians to stay in my fortress. Major Miles, give them a job." She stood, the chair nearly toppling backward as she stormed from the room, "If you don't work, you don't eat."

Edward stared at Jane, looking for some kind of implication of what they would be asked to do, but she just gave them a shrug before tapping Miles on the shoulder, "Don't figure you could assign them to my keeping?"

"I think the Major General would advise against that."

"Well, whatever job you decide on giving them, I will make it my duty to watch over them."

Miles smiled, "A bit motherly?"

"It's hard not to be." He nodded and left the room ahead of them. Jane opened her arms, welcoming Edward and Alphonse into a tight hug, "Damn you two boys for continuing to get into trouble."

Edward kept his head pressed against her stomach, "We found out the Fuhrer is a homunculus."

Jane nodded her head, "That means that Ishbal-"

"-was a set up from the beginning…" Alphonse finished.

"I won't tell the Major General until we need to." Releasing the two boys, she gestured for them to follow her. Walking out into the hallway, she saw Miles waiting for them, an all-knowing grin on his face. She was glad to have been given a moment alone with them, "We'll be following your lead, Major."

She wasn't sure why he did it, but Miles' hand brushed against hers, fingers wrapping around hers to give her a tight squeeze. Smiling to herself, she allowed herself to be grateful for his kindness. There was unspoken understanding between them.

"So, Major Miles…if everyone here has a secret, then what's yours?" Edward muttered as they wandered on the outer walls of the fortress. When no reply came, he clenched his hands into fists, "What's the matter? We have to forfeit our story, but you can't?" Jane gave him a warning glance, but he disregarded it, "Fine! Be a jackass!"

"Edward!" Jane shouted, stopping to take him by the shoulders before he launched himself at Miles.

"So…you really want to know?" Miles turned around, removing his glasses.

Those piercing red eyes – it brought a warmth to Jane's body as he stole a quick glance at her.

"You're Ishbalan," Edward whispered.

"But I thought soldiers with Ishbalan family ties were eliminated during the annihilation campaigns?" Alphonse chimed.

"I don't come from Ishbal, but my grandfather's blood is strongest in my veins." Miles bore down his glare on Edward, "It would seem that you Amestrians have done a number to the land of my ancestors."

But none of that seemed to faze the young alchemist, "Well, we've had our share of losses. There's an Ishbalan man who is responsible for destroying our country town and murdering the parents of a close friend."

The tension in the air began to dissipate as Miles laughed heartily, "You're the first person to ever strike back at me like that! I appreciate you treating me as an equal!"

"Was…that a test?" Edward grumbled.

"I apologize for my tactic." He glanced at Jane, who looked just as annoyed by his approach toward the boys. She stomped off, leaving the other three to watch her.

_I will wander 'til the end of time, torn away from you._

Sitting down on the edge of the fortress, legs dangling over the vastness below her, she stared out at the snow covered mountains. It would be impossible to live if she jumped, or, at least, it would be unlikely. Rubbing her hands together, she glanced at her alchemy gloves, something she wore religiously now. They were a frightening reminder of the past, but she felt that she needed them for protection more now than ever before.

Fuhrer King Bradley was a homunculus… Shaking her head, she tried to push that aside until she could talk with Edward and Alphonse about the entirety of the situation. She didn't want to try to make assumptions when she only knew so few pieces of the puzzle. Whatever lie ahead of them, it wasn't going to be a picture perfect "happily ever after". At least, she didn't figure her side of the story would be. Not when she was fighting with herself about loving a psychopath and the strange emotions that occurred when she slept.

Well, that was a whole different issue…

Within the days of her first week in Briggs, she had been nearly tormented by her dreams. _I pulled away to face the pain._ It was as if her mind refused to let her escape her encounter with the Ishbalan man called "Scar". She wasn't sure what she was searching for, but continually engaging in conversation with Miles gave her an astounding appreciation for Ishbalan traits. Were all the men so strongly built? And those eyes…they could strike fear into any human's heart, yet they brought a warmth to her chest that made her feel impervious to the winter cold. None of that seemed to make any sense to her.

Or, there was always the possibility that she had found an intriguing person that had taken her mind off Kimbley. That wasn't entirely a bad thing. But the more she sat and wondered about it, the sadder it made her. She'd really screwed up her one chance at happiness – Roy Mustang. She was curious about how he was holding up, since the military seemed to be unfolding into the hands of an uncontrollable monster. Maybe a letter wouldn't be a bad thing to send…?

"You're going to freeze out here, Lieutenant Colonel…"

Jane smiled as Edward plopped down next to her, "It's really not so bad after awhile."

There was a silence, a moment to admire the scenery before he spoke again, "Something bad is about to happen…"

"I wish I knew exactly what it was." She shook her head, jamming her hands into her pockets, "And to think it all began with Ishbal…"

"I've always meant to ask you, if you'd ever talk about it." He saw her blank stare, wondering if she was ignoring him or simply didn't hear him, "I guess I understand if you don't want to…"

_I close my eyes and drift away over the fear that I will never find a way to heal my soul. _

Jane sighed, "I wish I knew what I could tell you that wouldn't make you hate me."

"Everyone was different then-"

"We aren't much different now than we were then…" Jane removed her hands from her pockets, staring at her gloves. She couldn't tell him. It would break his heart to know what she'd done, "Ask me again sometime, Ed. I promise I'll tell you everything-"

"You've got more than one skeleton in your closet, don't you?" he interrupted.

"That's why I came to Briggs." She kept her eyes on the mountains, not wanting to give into that stubborn glare, "I can hide everything up here."

"Then tell me this." She finally looked at him, startled by those fiery eyes, "What's your story with Solf J. Kimbley?"

She bit her bottom lip, "I was very naïve. We met during Ishbal, during a time when I was convinced that I was no longer human. He preyed on my insecurities and I thought it was love. When we returned to Central, I found out who he really was. He was arrested and convicted for murder, though he only faced imprisonment." She ran her fingers through her hair a couple times, catching her breath so she wouldn't cry, "I don't think I ever fell out of love. I was convinced that we were two parts of the same whole."

"What really happened in Ishbal between you?" Edward pressed.

_And I will wander 'til the end of time torn away from you._

"What _really_ happened?" She gave a cynical laugh, "He was my first taste of sin, and I wasn't about to give up my one escape from the war around me."

Edward bowed his head, "Why do you keep letting him into your life?"

"I don't have a reason for that." She tried to smile, though she knew better than to think he would fall for it, "I'm just hoping that this wintery sanctuary will help me forget him."

Edward stood up, dusting the snow from his jacket, "I hope it helps you too, Jane. I don't want you to think that you can't find a 'happily ever after'…"

Watching him leave opened a void in her heart. _My heart is broken._ She slowly stood up and made her way indoors, despite that her body had adjusted to the chill of the night. As she turned down the hallway where her quarters were, she heard the rush of footsteps behind her. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Miles stop at the head of the hallway and gesture for her to follow him.

"The Major General needs to see you," he said.

"What now?" Jane shuffled after him, catching his arm before he walked into Olivier's office, "Major Miles, I am ordering you to tell me what is going on!"

He gave an apologetic sigh, "Major General Armstrong ordered me to not say a word."

"That's a lousy excuse, Major."

She placed her hand on the doorknob, but he stopped her from walking in by taking her wrist in his hand. Eyes holding each other for a tense moment, she felt her frustration melt like snow underneath the sun.

"I don't mean to anger you, Lieutenant Colonel."

"Major, if I didn't think I knew better, I'd say there's something that you wish to say to me." She narrowed her eyes on him, though he simply blushed, "Now, I'm not about to risk being buried alive underneath this fortress, if you know where I'm coming from." When he slowly let go of her wrist, she opened the door to the office to see Olivier seated at her desk with Buccaneer beside her, "Major General?"

"You might want to take a seat, Lieutenant Colonel, before I say anything," Olivier replied.

"I'll take my chances standing."

_Sweet sleep, My Dark Angel._

Olivier glanced down at the paper in front of her, folding her hands together before locking onto Jane's gaze, "There was a man severely injured on a freight coming to Briggs. He's been admitted into a hospital at the foot of the mountain, and has requested full cooperation from us." She waited a moment before continuing, "That being said, he had knowledge of your assignation here, and your assistance in this man's recovery has been ordered."

Jane's brow furrowed and she caught her breath in her chest, "I don't believe I take orders from anyone but you, Major General."

"I agree wholeheartedly with that claim." Olivier looked reluctant to tell her the rest, "But the order has come from a command higher than my own."

"Then I should start packing."

Jane turned on her heel and made to leave, but Olivier stopped her, "You should know who it is that you will be encountering!" Another silence where Jane's breathing could be heard as she braced herself for the name that would shatter her, "Solf J. Kimbley…"

"Might I ask you something, Major General?" Jane licked her lips, chapped from the cold, "If I happen to make an error and he never wakes up again, can I count on you to defend me during my trial?"

A small laugh escaped Olivier, "Briggs will assure that one of their own is taken care of."

She left with a crooked smile, one that was woven from the cogs in her brain turning. She could kill Kimbley; it would seem so much easier now. If she was killed, then so be it. Her nightmares would be over and she'd have kept that psychopath from hurting anymore people. If she could manage it, she could walk away alive and possibly face a sentence in jail. How simple it would be to stop his heart by just a force of will. No mess and no questions asked.

_Deliver us from sorrow's hold. (Over my heart)_

Walking into her quarters, she began to throw her things together into her suitcase, a bit disappointed that she'd only spent a week here and she was already on the move. But revenge was so close, it brought a surge of warmth to her body, or maybe it wasn't warmth. No, it was bloodlust. She wanted him to writhe in pain before he died, wanted to see him experience all the agony he had put her through.

As she came to the back of her closet, she felt her heart grow heavy. That dress was lucky to have not been collecting dust. Affectionately holding it in her arms, she folded it carefully into her suitcase, closing it up after setting her wooden box inside. She hadn't even bothered to read his letter for fear of finding a reason to forgive him. As she sat down on her bed, hands running across the sheets of her bed, she wondered what he'd say to her if she saw him. Would he just continue with his typical smooth talking, or would he finally confess to wanting her dead? She wasn't sure which one she would have wanted to hear…

_I can't go on living this way._

A knock on her door interrupted her thoughts and she sprung to her feet to answer it. Her eyes first saw his barreled chest, moving up to find his glasses remove and those red eyes staring down at her. She wasn't sure she'd ever felt so small before.

"May I come in, Lieutenant Colonel?"

"Of course…I'm done packing anyway."

She nodded her head and stepped aside, though he only took a step into the room before shutting the door behind him. Brows knitting, she gasped when he grabbed her by her shoulders and kissed her so fiercely, she'd swore she'd never be able to breathe again. Her fingers dug into the sleeves of his jacket, wanting, yet hesitating, the desire to feel his skin. There was a quick moment to gather a breath before his mouth came down on hers, and she finally realized how frightened she felt. When was she going to find the strength to make it stop? Why couldn't she stop that feeling in her chest when another man kissed her?

"Major, stop." She locked her arms, keeping him at a distance while he bit his lip. His eyes were apologetic, though he refused to look at her. _But I can't go back the way I came, chained to this fear that I will never find a way to heal my soul._

"I overstepped my bounds. I'm sorry, Lieutenant Colonel." He fixed his gaze on hers, feeling her arms grow slack as he brushed a strand of hair from her face, tucking it safely behind her ear, "You said that you thought there was something I wished to say to you." Hands holding her face, he smiled at her, "I couldn't put words to it."

"You hardly know me." She turned her cheek as he leaned to kiss her again, "And it wouldn't be fair for me to use you as a distraction from my current feelings."

Miles laughed, stealing her lips for a moment, "I appreciate that, but my curiosity has gotten the better of me."

Jane sighed, allowing for one more tight kiss, and a tight embrace, nearly suffocating her. Closing her eyes, she entwined her fingers in the collar of his jacket and held him close to herself, feeling the race of his heartbeat in his chest. A shame that her heart was so steady and she was simply enduring his "curiosity"… Lips falling from each others, she gave him an apologetic nod, though he still seemed satisfied.

"I apologize again, Lieutenant Colonel." He took a step away from her, "I didn't mean to force myself on you."

"No harm done, Major." Jane gave him a smile, something that she felt set him at ease, "It's not like you men get to see a woman that often!"

Miles watched her pick up her suitcase, running her fingers through her hair as she made to leave her quarters. He took her arm, "Be careful. I don't know your history with Kimbley, but I'd hate for him to hurt you further."

_And I will wander 'til the end of time half alive without you…_

"I appreciate that, Major." She sighed, "But there's nothing left for him to hurt." She began walking down the hall, whispering into the cold air, "He's already destroyed me…"

. . . .

_My heart is broken._

The drive down the mountainside did little to suppress her feelings of dread. The cold air, though, became a friend. It froze any water in her eyes as she climbed out of the car and bid Second Lieutenant Henschel goodbye. Walking inside the hospital, she was immediately guided to a room in the back where she saw two men guarding the door. Giving them a glare hardly seemed to faze them, despite that her rank was higher than both of them. She set her hand on the knob and turned it, admitting herself in while they watched her like a lion hunting its prey.

She wasn't sure what she had expected her reaction to be, but she hadn't accounted for herself grabbing the folds of her jacket as if her heart would jump out at any moment. Those amber eyes turned to her, slowly and with a pained gasp, and she couldn't help biting at her bottom lip until it bled. _Sweet sleep, My Dark Angel. _Staggering forward, she unsteadily grabbed a chair and sat down beside his bed, hesitant to try to reach out to him, to heal the pain in those eyes.

"Might I request a moment alone?" Jane muttered. The nurses gave her a nervous glance, but she returned it with an icy glare, "That's an order from a lieutenant colonel in the Amestrian Military."

The room was suddenly cleared and she was grateful for the silence.

"Always thought it was hot when you would throw your weight around as military officer…" Kimbley snickered.

_Deliver us._

She smiled down at him, but when he moved to reach out to her cheek, she drew her gun and pressed it to his temple, "You've got ten minutes to tell me why I shouldn't blow your brains out."

He gave her a blank stare, though his snide grin crawled from cheek to cheek, "I couldn't possibly think of why you'd want to kill me. I thought we were making progress-"

"You told that Ishbalan man to kill me."

Kimbley blinked incomprehensively a couple times, "I don't recall that."

"Of course you don't, you bastard." Her finger tapped the trigger, her eyes fighting the tears in her eyes, "You've got seven minutes left."

_Change - open your eyes to the light._

"Janie, listen." He slowly propped himself up, her gun now pointed at his chest, "It would be ill-advised to kill me. You wouldn't walk out of this building alive." He pointed at the door, "Those men out there serve one purpose – kill anyone who threatens me." Her hand wavered on her hold on the gun and she grudgingly placed it back into its holster, "Besides, there's too much between us for you to just kill me."

"And that is where you are wrong." She rose to her feet, taking off her jackets, "Our history is nothing but sorrow and agony. I won't let it happen anymore."

"Oh? Is this your declaration of goodbye?" he chided.

"No, this is warning that your death will be at my hands."

"Gettin' feisty there, Janie…"

"You never did know when to shut up."

"It's not my fault that you let me get the best of you." He grinned, beckoning her closer, but she remained standing, "Trying to resist me? I can play that game."

She shook her head, "I'll kill you before I fall for you again."

"I like that challenge-" His words were cut off by a fit of coughing. He brought his hand to his mouth, grumbling when he saw blood splattered across his skin. Turning those pathetic eyes to her, she gave a sigh before sitting down on the edge of the bed, "Don't figure you can heal that part of me, can you?"

_I denied it all so long, oh so long._

"I wasn't told to speed your recovery. I was only asked to assist." She pressed a hand to his chest, feeling the strain of his heartbeat, "But I can at least stop you from spitting up blood." Staring at the symbols of her gloves, she grudgingly healed the arteries of his lungs. Whatever had hit him had certainly done more damage than just that, but she was willing to make him pay for her misery before she decided if she would save him, "I'm ordering you to tell me what happened to you."

Kimbley laughed, "Did we ever experiment with you as a dominatrix? You're pretty hot when you're in control."

Jane rolled her eyes, "You never liked it when I was on top."

"Hm…" He gave that a thought, "…guess I was being selfish."

"You were being a rapist-"

"Oh, come on. You liked it."

"Liked what? You forcing yourself on me?"

"You liked when I was rough and impatient." He winked at her, "We were always good at angst sex."

That seemed to break a smile onto her face, "Why did I ever let you get away with that shit?"

_Say goodbye, goodbye…_

"Because you liked being possessed by someone." His words came out harshly, each one stinging her ears. His voice had dropped low to that seductive, mocking tone that she knew all too well, "Lust is a dangerous thing when it becomes what you want most." His fingertips brushed over her cheek, paralyzing her for too long, "You wanted it more than love, Janie."

She shook her head, "You don't know anything about me-"

"If you had wanted love then you wouldn't have let me come and go like I did."

Her brows knitted together and she felt tears building at the corners of her eyes, "You destroyed me…"

"Ishbal destroyed you. I offered an escape from it all-"

"With your twisted lies!" She stood up, turning her back while furiously wiping away her tears, "You tried to convince me that I had done the right thing, done the job of a State Alchemist…"

_My heart is broken._

"Did you really accept that position without knowing the consequences? We are required to obey the commands of the upper echelon."

"Alchemy isn't meant to hurt people…"

"Sex isn't supposed to either, and look where it got you."

She slowly faced him, her eyes flashing with the crazed desire to tear his body to pieces. She sauntered back over to the bed and sat back down, eyes meeting his. Drumming her fingers along his chest, she suddenly seized him by the folds of his shirt, nearly hoisting him off the bed, "Would you care to tell me the manner in which you'd like to die, or shall I pick the torture I wish to make you endure?"

"Oh, Janie." He covered her hands with his, despite that she could see it was straining on his body, "If I thought you'd kill me, I'd give you an answer. But remember, there are people in the chain of command that can have you brutally murdered for mishandling this little situation." Slowly, he pried her fingers from their hold on him, "I admire your strength, Janie, but now isn't the time to be putting up such a front."

_Release me, I can't hold on._

"You still didn't tell me what happened to you," she snarled.

"Our Ishbalan friend got a piece of me again." That seemed to bring back the fire of his eyes, that wild bloodlust, "That's the second time I've failed to kill that mongrel…"

Jane gave a wistful sigh. If only Scar had done her the favor of killing Kimbley for her. That would be a debt she wouldn't be able to repay. _Deliver us._ "Looks like you're rusty. Prison can do that."

He grimaced at the jab, "Looks like you're cynical. Sex can do that."

"I'm going to be the bigger person and not continue with insults."

She wearily tied her hair into a messy knot, staring at him with exhausted eyes. She drummed her fingers on her knee while focusing on the needles in his arms, attached to the IVs beside the bed. They were most likely filled with water or a kind of nutrient rich fluid, but that could be easily replaced. An overdose on morphine wasn't unheard of, and he was a psychopath... She could give it to him with a document reading that the patient had control of how much morphine he need. He could easily kill himself.

"I know that look on your face…" She snapped back to reality, flustered by that all-knowing smirk, "Plotting a silent death for me? I would have thought you'd have wanted to make me experience the pain you put those Ishbalan civilians through."

"I'm just keeping you on your toes. Wouldn't want to be predictable with your life on the line," she spat.

"Ouch." He wrinkled his nose, "Not sure I've got a comeback for that…"

She smiled, standing with such grace that it looked as though nothing that had been said had any effect on her. _My heart is broken._ Walking over to the door and picking up her jackets, she glanced over her shoulder and winked at him, "Eat your heart out."

Door shut tightly behind her, she gave a nod to the men while picking up her suitcase that was set against the wall. Finding the nurse from earlier, she was guided to her room, which she was grateful to find wasn't just four white walls and a small bed. There was a closet, a dresser, and actual color in the room. She started assembling her things once the woman left. But as she came to that black dress, she found herself all too curious about what it would look like on.

Undressing hastily, she slid herself into the skin tight garment and stood in front of the mirror on the dresser. Well, she certainly couldn't _hate_ it. It was very attractive, fitting to each of her slender curves. She wasn't sure how long it had been since she'd truly enjoyed dressing up and going out on the town. She was starting to make a list of things to do once she had her freedom again. But for now, she needed to follow orders and complete her duties as a military officer.

She stowed the dress on a hanger in the back of her closet, allowing herself the luxury of thinking about Roy when they met up in the bar, the drunken dance before she vomited and the walk home where he held her in his arms. How difficult would it be to ask for a gentleman to walk into her life? She tried not to laugh while thinking of Miles voicing his curiosity. He seemed like a good man, but there was still that side of her that wanted adventure, that wanted people to question her choices.

_Sweet sleep, My Dark Angel._

The knocking at her door was so loud and urgent that she nearly fell over from the initially shock of it breaking into the silence. Wrapping herself in a blanket, since she'd been standing there in her bra and underwear, she went to answer whoever was still knocking. She threw open the door, but all she saw was the empty wall in front of her. Brows furrowing, she looked left and right until she felt a tug at the bottom of the blanket. Eyes shifting down, she saw a little girl staring up at her with beady eyes, distraught as she tried to form words.

"A-Are y-you th-the doct-ctor?"

Jane nodded, "Is something wrong-?"

She hardly finished her question when her hand was grabbed and the girl tried to drag her down the hall.

"We have to move fast! My friend needs help!"

"I'm not dressed!"

_Deliver us._

Jane wiggled her arm free and ran back into her room. Struggling into a pair of pants and button down shirt, she donned one of her jackets that she had brought with her from home. It wasn't as many layers as her military uniform, but she felt weary about wearing it to wherever this young girl wanted to lead her. Sliding her gloves back onto her hands, she followed after the little girl, whose pigtails were bouncing uncontrollably as she ran. At least it made her smile.

Outside, they wove through the streets of the small town, only drawing the attention of very few eyes. Slipping into an alley, she tried to keep up with the twists and turns until she saw a worn down house in front of her. She hesitated walking through the front door, but the urgency of the little girl washed away her concern. _My heart is broken._ Inspecting the tattered walls with paint peeling off and the windows that fluttered open and closed, she breathed against her hands to try to retain their warmth.

As she crossed into what she supposed was a living room, she brought a hand to her mouth to silence her gasp. Lying across the wooden floors, in pools of his own blood, was the Ishbalan man that had attacked her. A surge of warmth crashed through her chest when those agony stricken red eyes met hers, challenging her to leave him for dead or save him. She trembled while following the endless traces of blood that stained his clothes.

_Sweet sleep, My Dark Angel._

How was he alive?

"I could only seal the wounds, but he can't stand without opening them!" the little girl blubbered. Jane just stared at the man with wide eyes, contemplating what she was going to do. Shaking her head, hands pressed to her mouth, she finally let her gaze fall to the desperate girl, "Can you help him?"

_Deliver us from sorrow's hold. _

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><p><strong>thoughts? hoping you readers are inclined to review! your thoughts are an inspiration!<strong>

**Miles struck out. bummer! so...if you think you know who her next potentially lover may be - i think i clarified it in this chapter. haha**

**hmm...maybe a steamy chapter is in order at some point? I'm thinking that wouldn't be a bad idea..**

**you know the drill! ;) please review!**

**-TSA**


	10. A Woman's Heart

**WOAH! anohther update? What can i say? i was inspired! thanks everyone for the reviews and alerts! :)**

**Disclaimer: don't own FMA nor the song "A Woman's Heart" by Celtic Woman. such a beautiful song!**

**read and enjoy!**

**-TSA**

* * *

><p>Chapter 10: A Woman's Heart<p>

_There had been so many occasions when she'd cried during the Ishbalan War, though she never felt like she wept for the Amestrian Military. No. There weren't tears to shed for them. Standing before a transmutation circle where men were bound together at each point, she bowed her head to keep her hair shielding her face so that when tears rolled down her face, no one would notice. She squinted her eyes shut, listening to the wrenching screams of agony, of a pain that she would never begin to comprehend._

_Their souls ripped from their bodies, a dead silence echoed across the room. She furiously wiped her eyes in hopes to compose herself as the rest of the men surrounding her marveled at what had been created. None of those men could have achieved such a feat without Dr. Marcoh. Finally stepping forward, she saw the blood red stone that was forming in the middle of the transmutation circle. She covered her mouth with her hand as Dr. Marcoh cradled it in his palms. _

_They'd done it._

_They'd created the Philosopher's Stone._

_The price of knowledge was the casualties of war._

Jane opened her eyes, assuring herself that she was still in that worn down house where an Ishbalan man was dying at her feet. A chance to set things right…A doctor who could save a life… Throwing off her jacket, she rolled her sleeves up and knelt beside the young girl on the floor. She offered no words as she hastily drew transmutations circles with his blood. Tearing apart the remainder of his torn shirt to expose the wounds, she set her eyes on his tattered flesh. Pressing her palms into the floor, starting the chain of transmutation circles she had drawn, she watched the way his skin began to stitch together.

Fingertips still damp with his blood, she rested her palms against his chest and closed her eyes. She hadn't ever considered that she was asking for the souls of the philosopher's stone to help her, but she needed their strength to heal one of their own. Hearing the young girl gasp, she slowly opened her eyes to see the Ishbalan man cover her hands. Sighing with relief, she screamed when he threw her backward, trapping her beneath him with a knife at her throat. Tears stung her eyes and she couldn't help crying.

"Mr. Scar!" the little girl yelped.

"Why?" he yelled.

Jane refused to look at him, "I don't want to kill anymore…"

Scar pressed the edge of the knife further into her neck, relenting when he found her bloodshot eyes and the tears staining her cheeks. Trying to stand, he collapsed back into the wall, his vision blurring while she slowly sat up. He watched her with a newfound curiosity. Her elegant curves as she adjusted herself to sitting back on her legs, her waves of brown hair falling from a messy knot, and those eyes flooding with a mix of pain and sorrow… He felt the urge to fall from consciousness, but as he rested his head against the wall, he felt her hand against his forehead.

"He's more than just injured…" Jane mumbled.

The little girl crawled up next to her, "Is he sick?"

She couldn't help smiling when she noticed the faintest trace of a blush on Scar's face, "He has a fever. That much I can tell. I can get him medicine once I get back to the hospital-"

"I don't need any more of your help," he spat.

She rolled her eyes, "Too bad, because you're getting it." She shivered as if just noticing the dampness of the room and the chill of winter's air, "You're going to freeze to death in this place…"

"We'll be fine!" The girl smiled brightly, "This is actually warm compared to a few places we've been."

Jane couldn't help smiling back, "I don't believe we've been introduced."

"I'm May Chang from Xing."

"Xing? What are you doing in Amestris?"

"I'm searching for immortality."

"Isn't everyone…?" She sighed, "I'm Lieutenant Colonel Jane Avery, The Bleeding Life Alchemist." When she looked back at Scar, she felt her face grow hot. Was he grinning at her?

"Your title fits you…" he whispered.

"I'm going to assume that you won't ever accept that I save lives…?" she retorted.

"Just because you healed me, doesn't mean you've atoned for your sins."

"Well, it certainly takes the weight off my shoulders." She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him; something that seemed to amuse him since he choked out a laugh. The grin tugging at the corners of her mouth felt strange, but she distracted herself from it by glancing at May, "Do you figure you could find me some water? He's still covered in blood." May dashed off, leaving Jane to hold her hand out to Scar as a sign of truce, "Allow me to administer one last kindness."

He didn't reply. Taking her hand, he allowed for her to help him stand and bring him to sit down on the couch. Removing his already torn shirt, she tried to avoid staring at his sculptured chest, the scars of battle discoloring his dark skin. Restraining herself from touching him, she stared off at the window beside them where the shutters were patiently tapping against the wall. She stood and walked over to it, managing to close them by wedging a piece of cloth from Scar's shirt between the shutters.

Sitting back down beside him, her eyes fell on the tattoo that covered his right arm. She had only gotten a glimpse of it before, and she didn't understand the other ciphers mixed together with those of alchemy. Tracing the lines, she blushed when he pushed her hand away. Eyes meeting, she gave an apologetic smile before hugging herself. She was beginning to feel cold again.

_My heart is low; my heart is so low as only a woman's heart can be._

"I know saying it won't mean anything to you, but I'm sorry…" she muttered.

"You can't change the past," he replied quietly.

"There are too many days that I wish I could." Tucking her knees to her chest, she tossed her bloody gloves next to her, eyes tracing over the lines of her transmutation circles that were slowly soaking into the wooden floors, "Asking people for forgiveness always seemed ridiculous. Who can exonerate someone for willingly murdering their kinsmen? I'm not sure I could, yet I ask it of you."

"You've saved my life twice." She looked over at him, those red eyes filling her with the unwanted stirrings of desire. He pressed a hand to the newly formed scars from her healing, "I don't understand why."

Jane shrugged, "It makes me feel human again."

"I've tried to kill you twice, yet you insist on ignoring that." He held his arm out to her, allowing for her to stare at the intricacies of the tattoo, "I could destroy you in an instant, but you're not afraid?"

She slid closer to him, taking his hand and guiding two fingers to press to her pulse in her neck, doing the same to him. She breathed slowly, trying to control the pit in her stomach while she spoke in an even tone, "I'm not afraid because I've come to accept that all living people share a common pulse. Take away our ornamentations, our names, our ethnicities, and what do we become? Humans. I'm not afraid of you, because underneath all of this, you're just another human."

_As only a woman's, as only a woman's, as only a woman's heart can know..._

She shivered as his fingers traced down her trembling throat, falling along the lines of her collarbones beneath the buttons of her shirt. Her heart was ready to jump from her chest, to offer itself up to him even if he broke her into pieces afterward. Grabbing his wrist as he went to move down the valley of her breasts, she set his palm against her chest, the palpitating of her heart flowing through his veins.

"Your heart skipped a beat," he whispered.

She swallowed slowly, the heat of his body causing her head to grow heavy. When he pulled her hand against his chest, she thought she had lost consciousness. The air smelt of blood and sweat, intoxicating her as his pulse brought goose-bumps to her skin.

"You're trembling."

Jane bit her lip, "I guess I am afraid…"

"Of what?"

"Of what you could do to me."

He pulled her closer, admiring the blush of her cheeks and the way her eyes widened to behold every inch of his face, to commit to memory the lines of his histories of fighting. His hand moved behind her neck, fingers tangling into her hair while she looked away from him, "You should be afraid of me…"

"I don't scare easily," she snapped, trying to regain her stubborn fire from earlier.

"Something is holding you back."

"Maybe I'm just hesitant?"

"Don't hesitate."

_The tears that drip from my bewildered eyes taste of bitter sweet romance. _

Those words slipping from his lips tore through her defenses. She shrunk back into the corner of the couch when he leaned over her, but as she held her breath little footsteps echoed through the room. Eyes wide, May raced around the corner of the hallway holding a hefty bucket in her hands. Her smile was ever clueless while she ran over to them and set the container on the floor in front of the couch.

"I got water! It's actually kind of warm!" May cheerfully waited for a comment, but continued speaking when Jane and Scar remained silent, "Here's a towel!"

Gratefully accepting the ragged cloth, Jane straightened to an upright position, creating distance between her and Scar as she dipped it into the bucket. She wrung it out, keeping it damp, but as she turned to begin cleaning him, she felt her face burn red. His eyes met hers, holding her for a painful moment where she questioned what she was doing. He was just another human as she had said before, though she was nervous to touch him.

Whether it was his eyes or May's, she was feeling self conscious for her decision to help him. It had to be that little girl, but she finally cleared her throat and started with wiping the blood from his shoulders. He was patient with her as she wrung out the blood in the cloth and kept it damp with water. Scratching the dried blood from his chest, she kept her head bowed, meticulously working. She couldn't help tracing along his muscles that were practically etched out of stone, mesmerized by the strength of his physical appearance.

Refusing to allow herself the pleasure of feeling his heartbeat again, she finished as hastily as possible. She wasn't sure if he was mocking her with that grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. Throwing the cloth into the bucket, which was now stained red, she bit at the insides of her mouth, frantically searching the room for something to stare at.

May was still bright eyed, ignorant to the awkwardness of the situation. She watched them with her childish interest as if waiting for them to say or do something. When Jane cleared her throat, she lifted a brow in response. It wasn't until Scar spoke, that she got the hint to leave.

"Marcoh should be returning to town soon. Will you meet him and bring him here?" he said.

May must have known where it was that Scar meant to send her, because she was gone without another question.

_You're still in my hopes. You're still on my mind, and even though I'll manage on my own…_

Jane cleared her throat, figuring it would be best for her to choose the topic to speak of, "It will probably be at least a week before you have full mobility again. I can continue to help you to speed the healing process, but I'll need more cooperation from you." She narrowed her stare on him, but it only made that grin become clearer on his face, "That means that if you try to kill me again, I'll take you down with me."

"Don't give me a reason to try to kill you."

"I should say the same to you."

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, twirling her fingers absentmindedly in her hair. His presence was so heavy that she felt like she was going to be drowned by just the slightest gesture he could make towards her. When he clambered to his feet, testing to see how long he could stand, she found herself following the flex of his back muscles and shoulder blades. She was beginning to think she he was giving her a reason to kill him – he was turning her on.

"I must say I'm curious why you sent May away." Jane slowly stood, tiptoeing in front of him. Her smirk was enough to earn a scowl from him, something that she found amusing. Losing herself to the swelter of his skin, the burn of his gaze, the fire in his blood, and the sweat in his scent, she was unprepared for his hand tangling into her hair and pulling her face up to his. She must have looked utterly defenseless, surrendering to the strength of his body, "What do you want from me?"

_My heart is low; my heart is so low as only a woman's heart can be._

Holding her captivated by his red eyes, set ablaze by an unknown furnace, his hand moved down her throat. His fingertips dug into her skin, bruising as he held her like he would strangle her at any moment. It was thrilling, the danger of allowing herself to set her life in his hands. She swallowed slowly, gazing at him from under long lashes, daring him to make his move.

"What's there to want when I already have what I'm looking for?" he whispered huskily.

"I'm not afraid of what you can do," she haughtily replied.

"You're obnoxiously stubborn." His fingers pulsed against her skin, a shudder ripping through her body. He titled her chin up, which forced her to wrestle against his grip, "How long do you resist before a man overpowers you?"

She slapped his hand away, stepping backward to create distance from him, "Long enough…"

The challenge in her voice sent shivers down his spine, "I can't imagine Kimbley was ever patient with you."

"What do you suppose you know about my relationship with him?" She sat back down on the couch, head in her hands while she tried to refocus herself. There was no need to bring up the past, "Why does it matter anyway?"

"It helps me understand who you are."

She looked up at him, shaking her head, "I'm not defined by him."

_As only a woman's, as only a woman's, as only a woman's heart can know..._

The tension in the air grew musky enough to suffocate her as he sat beside her, one arm reaching across her and holding onto the couch, trapping her beneath him. She dug herself further into the cushions while his fingertips caressed her neck. Her blood pumped madly, reveling in the lust that burned in his eyes. If he asked for it, she wouldn't try to resist. It would be pointless to deny herself the pleasure she wanted. Hands slowly moving along his chest, she closed her eyes, prepared for that bruising kiss that would scald her lips, leaving her with scars that she'd never want to heal. She wanted him to leave his mark on her.

"Don't hesitate," she chided.

His breath was hot against her mouth. Her lips parted, heart thundering when his hand moved up her thigh, gripping her tightly at the hip. She blushed while letting out a small moan, covering his hand to keep him from moving further despite the aching desire for his touch. God, he was so close. She wanted to tangle herself in his swelled muscles, feel his warm skin against hers as he pinned her to the floor and mercilessly made love to her. That would be her atonement.

Forever burning in the fires of his lust…

_When restless eyes reveal my troubled soul and memories flood my weary heart…_

But her wishes were far from being granted.

The sound of the door slamming shut woke her up from her lapse. There wasn't enough time to adjust themselves, wasn't enough time to wash away the blush in her cheeks. When May skipped around the corner, Jane wished that Scar had just kissed her instead of detaching himself from her.

Sitting upright despite the wide eyed glances, Jane rose to her feet, alarmed to see the disfigured face of Dr. Marcoh, a colleague from so long ago.

"Jane? Is that you?" Marcoh muttered.

"What happened to you?"

He shrugged, helping himself into a chair in the corner, "Our Ishbalan friend assisted me in a disguise. It's a small price to pay for what I've done."

"Funny…he was offering me a similar kind of penance." She couldn't help snickering when a trace of scarlet rose in his cheeks. Collecting up her jacket and her bloody gloves, she gave May a nod of the head, "Seeing that you already have Dr. Marcoh here, then you won't be needing my help anymore-"

_…I mourn for my dreams. I mourn for my wasted love, and while I know that I'll survive alone..._

"But you said Mr. Scar is sick! Can't you get medicine?" May interrupted.

Jane sighed, "I guess I did say that…"

Marcoh grinned, assessing how she kept her eyes on the floor while Scar watched her intently, "You're expertise would be much appreciated. Our combined efforts will most likely heal him faster."

There was no getting out of this… "Then I will continue to routinely stop by."

Leaving the conversation broken, she shrugged into her jacket, said her goodbyes, and left the house quickly. The cold air brought her back to reality and the danger of her situation. Scar was being hunted down by the Amestrian military. If they discovered she'd been helping him, she'd be court marshaled for sure, and Olivier would be less than keen with getting her out of trouble. She slid her bloody gloves onto her hands, staring at the red that stained them before wiping them off in a mound of snow.

_My heart is low; my heart is so low as only a woman's heart can be._

She smiled to herself though as she moved along the quiet streets. She wouldn't be able to forget him, the way just the look in his eyes made her heart race and a surge of warmth rush through her body. When was the last time she'd ever felt that way? When had she truly admired someone for their flaws? Kicking snow up as she walked, she pressed a hand to her lips, smelling blood but remembering the way his breath scorched her mouth as they teetered on the edge of danger, waiting to collapse together and be damned to Hell.

_As only a woman's, as only a woman's, as only a woman's heart can know..._

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><p><strong>sooo...what do ya think? I really enjoyed writing this chapter! <strong>

**please review! it let's me know how to keep you all happy. leave your thoughts/responses to this chapter. i am curious about your reactions... :)**

**-TSA**


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